Can you remember a time when you met someone for the first time and it just seems to click? An instant bond between the two of you, an instant ‘like-ability’ or trust. You can literally FEEL, that connection!

That connection is called Rapport! It is the basis and foundation for every meaningful interaction between two or more people. Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust and understanding, to respect and honor the other person’s world. This allows the person the freedom to fully express their ideas and feelings and know they’ll be respected and appreciated by you. Rapport creates the space for the person to feel listened and responded to, even when you dis-agree with what the other person says or does. Each person appreciates the other’s viewpoint and respects their model of the world. When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world and see things from their perspective, feel the way they do, get a better understanding of where they are coming from; and as a result, enhance the whole relationship.

A 1970 study conducted by Dr. Ray Birdwhistle at the University of Pennsylvania concluded that 93% of our communication transpires non-verbally and unconscious. 55% of our communication is our physiology or body language, 38% is tonality or HOW we say our words, and only 7% is the content or words we choose to speak.

Researchers at the Boston University Medical School studied films of people having conversations. The researchers noticed that the people talking began (unconsciously) to co-ordinate their movements (including finger movements, eye blinks and head nods.) When they were being monitored using electroencephalographs, they found some of their brain waves were spiking at the same moment also. As the conversations progressed, these people were getting into a deeper level rapport with each other, and didn’t even have a clue to what was going on, this is because we communicate our ideas and concepts at this 93% UN-conscious level, but believe the words we speak actually hold the meaning to our communication.

NLP rapport skills teach us how to communicate at that unconscious level. Mirroring, matching, pacing and leading skills will enable you to become “like” the other person. Anthony Robbins stated: “People like each other when they tend to be like each other.” NLP teaches how to mirror and match that 55% physiology, 38% tonality and 7% predicates or process words.

The key to establishing rapport is an ability to enter another person’s world by assuming a similar state of mind. The first thing to do is to become more like the other person by matching and mirroring the person’s behaviors — body language, voice, words etc. Matching and mirroring is a powerful way of getting an appreciation of how the other person is seeing/experiencing the world.

Some people find the idea of matching another person uncomfortable and they feel that they are trying to fool or take advantage of the other person. To overcome this uneasiness, realize that matching is a natural part of the rapport building process and that you are doing it unconsciously every day with your close family and friends. Each day gradually increase your conscious use of matching at a pace that is comfortable and ethical for you. Matching done with integrity and respect creates positive feelings and responses in you and others. Rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s world, to make him feel you understand him, and that there is a strong connection between the two of you.

The purpose of the following exercises is to provide some experience with the basic processes and procedures of modeling. They primarily focus on the information gathering phase of the modeling process, and cover a range of modeling skills, including “implicit” and “explicit” modeling formats, and the use of multiple perceptual positions to gather different types and levels of information about a particular performance.

Mirroring Exercise

Mirroring is a method of building a strong “second position” with someone else. It is a fundamental skill for modeling another person and for developing intuitions about the person’s internal experience. To get a sense of the influence and effects of mirroring, try out the following exercise.

1. Choose a partner, or person to converse with. Do not tell the person initially that you will be mirroring him or her during the conversation.

2. Enter into a conversation with the person, asking for his or her opinions about various subjects.

3. As you are conversing, begin to subtly mirror the other person’s physiology (including voice tone and tempo). [Hint: This can be most easily done in the context of 'active listening'; that is, reflecting back statements the person has made, by commenting, "So what you are saying is....", and then stating your understanding of the person's opinion.]

4. When you are fully mirroring, you will be sitting in the same posture, using the same types of gestures, speaking at a similar speed and volume, and in a similar voice tone range, as the other person. If you are completely mirroring the other person, you may even be breathing at the same rate and pattern as the other. Notice how it feels when you have reached this level of deep rapport.

5. One way to test your degree of rapport is by “second guessing” the other person’s opinion on a couple of subjects that you have not yet discussed. Often mirroring will give you access to information that is being unconsciously communicated and received, and you will “pick up” information about the other person without being consciously aware of how you got it. This is why mirroring is such a powerful tool for modeling.

6. To get another sense of the influence mirroring and matching has on your interaction; try out abruptly mismatching the other person, in posture, gestures, voice tone and breathing. Both you and your partner should experience quite a jolt if you do this, and feel as if your quality of rapport has changed dramatically.

7. Before concluding your conversation and letting your partner in on what you were doing, make sure you have reestablished rapport by once again physically mirroring your partner.
One way to help rapport to develop is to mirror the micro-behaviors of those we wish to influence. Any observable behavior can be mirrored, for example:

Body posture

Spinal alignment

Hand gestures

Head tilt

Blink rate

Facial expression

Energy level

Breathing rate

Vocal qualities (volume, tonality, rhythm)

Key word phrases or predicates

Anything else that you can observe…

To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, and then do that behavior. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror.

To mirror a person who has raised his right hand, you would raise your left hand (i.e. mirror image). To match this same person, you would raise your right-hand (doing exactly the same as the other person). Some practitioners see a time difference between mirroring and matching. For example, if someone makes hand gestures while they are speaking, you would wait until it was your turn to speak before making similar (matching) hand gestures.

The fact that you’ve read this far means that you can see the benefits of increasing your rapport skills. Reading is sadly not enough – practice is the key to building skill, so do the exercises. When you first start the practice of mirroring, you may have to pay some conscious attention to what you’re doing. After a while, however, you will start to catch yourself doing it unconsciously. This is where you really begin to build rapport elegantly!

And at times when a gesture is idiosyncratic to that person or otherwise to obvious, you can do crossover matching. Meaning, if they adjust their glasses, and you don’t wear any, then just move your foot. When you crossover match/mirror, you match/mirror a portion of the other person’s body, with a different portion of your own body. This is best to do when you are matching someone’s rate of breathing. You can use your finger to pace the rhythm of their breath. When matching or mirroring someone’s voice, do that with their tonality, volume, and the rate at which they speak. And remember you don’t have to do all of these things, just one or two will be enough to create rapport in most cases.

Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they can mirror to build rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe. When this is done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the other person.

• However, a few notes of caution are appropriate:

• Mirroring is not the same as mimicry.

• It should be subtle and respectful.

• Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other person’s experience.

• Avoid mirroring people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.

• Mirroring builds a deep sense of trust quickly, so use it with responsibility.

Practice with friends and family members to start and begin to match different aspects of their posture, gestures, voice and words. Have fun with it and notice if they begin to respond to your matching. At work or social events, start by matching one specific behavior, and once they and you feel comfortable, begin to add on another. With people whom you already have a sense of rapport, notice how often you naturally match their posture, gestures, tone of voice or words, This is because matching and mirroring comes naturally. Your outcome then should be to create rapport with anyone at any given moment, having it become automatic whenever you wish to deepen that sense of rapport.

Exercise 1
Practice mirroring the micro-behaviors of people on television (chat shows & interviews are ideal.) You may be surprised at how quickly you can become comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviors of others.

Exercise 2
Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of someone else’s behavior. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself – you have led their behavior!

Exercise 3
Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others. Use your common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)

Exercise 4
During a conversation with another person; choose one of their behaviors (e.g. breathing rate) to cross-over match with one of your behaviors (e.g. speaking rate.) Notice how quickly the sense of connection develops!

Backtracking is another excellent skill to learn in order to maintain and deepen rapport. When you are in conversation with another person, whether it be business or personal, take the opportunity to recite back to the person the information you’re receiving. This lets the person know that you were listening and you understand without judgment. It also allows you a chance to ensure your understanding and/or ask for clarification. Backtracking is the thread that tightens and deepens rapport. Backtracking is repeating back the essence, not verbatim, of what the person is attempting to communicate. There will be times when you’re backtracking, and the other person will add on or correct you. Being corrected will only strengthen rapport because you’ll then backtrack again and have the person really feel you understand. There is also the possibility being corrected will cause you to lose rapport.

However, losing rapport is just like losing your balance. You falter, recover, and get back into it again. When you do lose rapport you’ll find a way to regain it. There may also be times you want to be “out” of rapport with someone. For example if it isn’t healthy for you to be around certain people, you are held hostage at a cocktail party or you are doing it for effect. Typically people think the way to break rapport is to be demeaning or disagree. Although that may work I recommend mismatching. This means intentionally mismatch posture, breathing, key words/gestures, and voice quality. Rely on mismatching the nonverbal communication and you will be out of rapport. For those of you who like experiments try this: Disagree strongly and maintain rapport. Or agree completely while breaking rapport. And all experimenting should be done in a non-critical environment without judgment.

The key element in establishing, building, deepening and maintaining rapport is your ability to pay attention to the responses you receive. One presupposition of NLP, or assumed rules is; “Communication is the response we receive back, NOT our intention given.”

Lastly; behind any technique there must be an authenticity of caring and real concern for the other person. (See “Technicians Need Not Apply,”Anchor Point 1987.) If you practice these skills and have no real interest in the other person, rapport will not develop. If you don’t pay attention to the other person it doesn’t matter how proficient you become in your NLP techniques. It is the responses you get in return and your own flexibility that hold the ultimate power in establishing, maintaining and deepening rapport.

John James Santangelo C.Ht. nationally acclaimed speaker, seminar leader, and success coach has been a guiding force in empowering individuals, businesses, and corporations to excel at peak performance. Working with companies such as Learning Annex, CSUN-Northridge University, Mary Kay Inc, Well Point, Xerox, RE/MAX Realtors, the Teamsters Union, and the US Army counter-intelligence team. Whether you’re looking to fulfill short-term goals, meeting planner events, or corporate sales/communication trainings, John can help you achieve a new level of success! He is the author of Asking The Right Questions…” For more information on How to develop and master “Dynamic Communication Skills,” email: John@JohnSantangelo.com or www.LAnlp.com

How did these models come to be? As we grow up, we attempt to make sense of the world based on: our interpretation of our experiences, what we are told by others – particularly those in authority or those we respect (parents, teachers, religious leaders, …) – and what we tell ourselves.

Interpretation of Our Experiences. As children, we make decisions that will in some way keep us safe – avoid or minimize being abused (physically or verbally) or being abandoned. And often we assume we are the cause of whatever happened – e.g. the untimely death of our parents – and in so doing, vow at an unconscious level to never do that again. We establish mental models of the world that are intended to protect us from causing such upset in the future. As a result, we put ourselves at the effect of whatever happens and on the path of being a victim. As children, these mental models may serve us well. Yet, some of us carry these models, which operate at an unconscious level, into adulthood and wonder why we get the results we do and are not living the life we desire.

What We are Told by Others. Generally, parents or other adults are well-meaning in their disciplining or teaching of children. However the behaviors they select and words they use are often inappropriate and when interpreted through the eyes and ears of a young child take on a different meaning. Consider the parent who desperately wants to see their child succeed and says to their child, for example “If you keep acting this way, you will grow up to be no good.” This type of motivation may satisfy the parent’s need; however the child may hear and begin to develop a mental model of ‘I am no good.’ A recent study by researchers at Iowa State University found in a typical family with children aged two to eight that the ratio of negative to positive comments said by parents to their children was 13:1. That is for every positive comment, children heard thirteen negative comments. If as a child, you lived in this type of environment, what mental model did you form about yourself, others and the world around you?

What We Tell Ourselves. We are talking to ourselves all of the time – often at an unconscious level. We tell ourselves how wonderful we are or how badly we messed up. For many of us, negative thoughts are far, far more frequent than positive thoughts. Although each thought by itself is insignificant, these thoughts can build up over time – just like the insignificant tiny coral polyps that come together to form massive coral reefs – thus forming barriers to what we truly want and desire in life.

To overcome this conditioning, we need to become consciously aware of our mental models and explore the origins of our thoughts and the beliefs and values (which are often not ours but someone else’s) that we assumed during our childhood. Begin by paying attention to your daily thoughts and judgments about yourself and about others. As you do, get curious about the underlying beliefs and values that you are operating from, especially their origin and explore the possibility that these thoughts, judgments, beliefs and values may be incorrect. You can also explore the positive intention behind these beliefs and values (e.g. safety) and consider if the positive intention is still relevant (e.g. worked for you as a child but not as an adult) or if it can be obtained in a different manner – a manner that delivers fewer negative side-effects and more positive benefits. On a daily basis, you may wish to experiment with new behaviors – not dictated by your old thoughts – and notice the changes you can make in your interpretation of what is and isn’t possible for you. As you implement new behaviors, you may not always be successful. At these times, remember the words of Thomas Alva Edison “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

This article is based on Roger’s book Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You , which you can buy from Amazon.com.

By: Jordan Matthews

Everyone who wants to learn NLP should start with an NLP workbook or a seminar where you can learn about the wide range of applications that NLP has for your daily life. The NLP workbook will give you the methods, and the seminar will allow you to practice. But with this article, I will give you the NLP workbook, and all you need to do is practice this belief changing NLP system and put it into action.

Richard Bandler starts off almost every lecture and seminar in the same way. He works with a person’s inner beliefs about themselves, and the world around them. He has a philosophy that anything is possible as long as you believe it is. Working with NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming, is no different. This science, or art, if you so choose to see it, has proven to be inexplicably beneficial to people, changing lifelong patterns in a single instant. But to most people, regardless of the results they can see before them, this is an impossible task. Many times, it can seem almost like actors at a magic act, and they simply sit waiting for Mr. Bandler to pull a rabbit out of his hat. It’s not magic, and it does work, but only if you believe it to be so. If not, you’ll convince yourself to find a way to return to your old habits, and all will be for naught.

So, of course, the first thing that one must do is to work on a positive, optimistic outlook. This does not come easily for everyone, but some people may feel that they already have a positive attitude and can skip this step.

Using NLP techniques on yourself requires the use of submodalities, which you can read about in my article on the Basics of NLP. For a quick rehashing of the main topic, submodalities are the distinct qualities of your mental images, voices or feelings, that help you to subconsciously differentiate between good experience and bad. Things like the tone of voice, the direction it comes from, and the volume, would be examples of auditory submodalities.

Since most people are visual learners, and since everyone relates some part of their experience through visual images, it is typically most useful to think in terms of pictures to begin with. They are also the easiest to manipulate, so it is a good way to learn.

The first step in changing your beliefs, and in working almost any NLP techniques within your own experience, is to compare and contrast the differences in submodalities. First, imagine a really powerful, and really good memory. It can be of anything. Watch that movie play out in front of your eyes.

Now, do the same thing with an unpleasant memory. Play it like a movie, and begin at this time to notice the differences in the movies. The location where you look to see these two movies is often the first noticeable difference, but look to see if one is larger than the other, or if one is more colorful than the other. Do they both play back with sound? Write all of these things down on a piece of paper if it helps. Remember, it’s the differences that matter, any similarities you may find are not particularly useful.

Knowing this information, you’ve now figured out how to create a happy and pleasant memory. Play back that bad memory once more, and notice how you feel. Now, rewind it to the beginning, but this time, before you play it back, shift that movie screen to the same position where your happy memory was. Stretch or shrink the frame of the picture to be about the same size as the pleasant memory, and add color or sound if necessary. The idea is to look upon that unhappy memory as if it were a happy memory.

This can take some practice, and working alone without a guide, it may take a few tries to get it right. You may find that you have no idea what I’m talking about with these different submodalities. If this is the case, take it slower, one step at a time, and look closer into what is going on inside your head. For most people, this can be very difficult, and may require a lot of practice. If you get it right, you should be able to play back that unhappy memory in happy-vision, and notice that you have a much better feeling about the experience. Best thing about it? This technique will work for almost anything you want to do. If you want to boost your confidence, examine the differences in your memories. If you want to stop doing something, manipulate the submodalities of the memories.

Once you get used to the technique, you’ll notice some startling differences. First and foremost, you’ll begin to feel better about your past experiences, and most people find that this alone is good enough to make them more confident and feel better about themselves. But as you build up on the good experiences, and those that you have manipulated to help yourself feel better about them, you’ll notice that you begin to automatically assign new experiences and new memories the same, beneficial submodalities that you assigned to your first memory. By changing the past, you’re effectively changing the future.

Go ahead and try this. There’s nothing to lose except for feeling a little silly at the idea. But, if it works for you, there’s much to gain from the experience.

About the Author:

My name is Jordan, and I am a certified NLP trainer who believes that these techniques should be made available to everyone. Because Bandler’s books are so expensive and hard to find, I recommend that for any further NLP work, you should check out the NLP toolbox or Forbidden Patterns.

I get asked all the time, “Lorrie, how can I make my copy more persuasive?” Well frankly it helps if you can speak your prospect’s language. But writing persuasively is more involved than just saying the right words. You need to say them in the right order…and in a way that lowers resistance to new information and is acceptable to his or her mind. One discipline that translates nicely to writing persuasive copy is NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming.

NLP isn’t a replacement for good copywriting. It’s a turbo boost. Meeting a person on his or her own level by using familiar words puts YOU in control of the communication almost immediately.

Have you ever been moved to buy a pair of sexy shoes instead of the sensible, comfy shoes you really needed? But when you got home you didn’t know how you got over the resistance of spending the money? See, people understand the RESULT of making a purchasing decision, but are often unaware of the internal recipe that gets them there. We all know we tend to buy based on emotion over logic. In fact, most buying decisions are largely emotional.

WHO’S RIGHT ANYWAY?

We can all agree there are two sides to the brain, correct? The left (logical) and the right (emotional). Interesting fact: information is first perceived by the emotional right brain. Then within a fraction of a second, it shoots over to the logical left. Then finally, once again, is reflected to the emotional right. In other words, every message we get is influenced by the emotional right brain. Pretty fascinating, huh?

Here is the basic principle of NLP as I understand it. There is no mental resistance to an idea you perceive as your own. And whenever any of us engages our imagination, we think we came up with the idea ourselves. So it must be great!!! It aligns with our own beliefs so it’s unconsciously accepted as being the truth and you act as if it’s true. So NLP always prefers to presuppose that changes can be made quickly and automatically. So let’s cover some NLP principles and how to use it in the art of persuasive writing.

PACING

Pacing is putting yourself in the prospect’s shoes through languaging. Look at David Ogilvy (one of the greatest advertising masters who ever lived) as an example. His first headline for Rolls Royce didn’t come from HIS mind, but that of an engineer at the factory. Ogilvy was told, “You know David, the loudest noise from this Rolls Royce comes from the clock on the dashboard at 60 miles an hour.” And David thought this man, this engineer must know something because he’s constantly in the flow about changes and revisions and everything happening at the Rolls Royce factory. So David did his research and made a connection. I’m not suggesting the engineer was deliberately using NLP on David, but it’s an illustration of how we as humans connect the dots and are able to write persuasively as a result.

Though similar to empathy, pacing is a bit more complex. In pacing, you actually encourage the prospect to use visualization or other accessing cues in a very subtle and vague way. These are the same communication skills of matching, mirroring and rapport that allow you to pace and lead someone to the sale.

NLP Master Ross Jeffries says, “People will not accept that you are an authority on where they should go unless they accept you’re an authority on where they are at.”

In other words, if you’re reading a letter or listening to a podcast, it makes sense for me as a writer to mirror that experience for you. Then you subtly relax:

• “As you’re sitting there reading this letter…”
• “As you are sitting in front of your computer…”
• “While you are listening to this broadcast…”

Any of those phrases have you and the prospect share an experience, which moves him or her toward the sale. Have you ever met someone and felt an instant kinship with that person? Or on the other hand, met someone who you just could never quite get on the same wave length?

What if you knew how to get on that person’s “wave-length”? You would have a totally different outcome – the outcome you wanted! That’s the importance of defining your target audience (or my own term, TAR-KET). You can communicate with that one person because you have already defined him or her.

PRESUPPOSITION OF AWARENESS

This technique also ties to speaking directly to your own target market. (If people don’t have their target market nailed down, it doesn’t matter how good their copy is. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to sell beef to a vegetarian. It’s just not going to work. So you really have to zone in on your target market.)

The way you do that is to understand your product. Figure out where they shop, where they eat, what they look like. Are they a family or are they single? Do they have dogs or not? Do they live in a rural area or the city? These keys make a huge difference when you are trying to figure out who your target market is. When I write my copy, I write to one person. I visualize everything about them so it’s very real to me when I start to write. I would suggest that you funnel down your target market to your TARKET as much as possible. That’s how you’re able to give them the illusion. You’ve given them information and the mind fills in the blanks. The more specific the better is what I’m saying.

In this technique you direct the conscious mind of the reader by assuming something is true. So you speak to him or her as if something has already happened. Here are some examples:

• “As you become aware of…”
• “As you recognize …”
• “I’m not sure just how excited you can get about this offer but…”

The proper use of language patterns in written words means you communicate by tonal shifts, tempo shifts etc, following the patterns of a question, a statement, or a command. We invite people to share our certainty about our product or service by using an intonation of a command or a statement like “Do you agree?”

PRESUPPOSITION OF TIME

This concept piggybacks onto the previous one. You build on the prospect’s experience of awareness by adding in the element of time. Examples:

• “Before you order today…”
• “After you make your decision to order…”
• “While you are filling out your order form…”

Use language patterns to move yourself and others in a direction that results in a win-win situation. The truth is that we are selling ourselves every day, all day long. Doesn’t it make a lot of sense to use communication skills like NLP to lead someone where you want them to go? And the more that happens, the more successful you will be with your copy.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

International copywriting trainer, author and speaker, Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero has been a freelance writer and journalist for over 25 years. Her words have made her clients hundreds of thousands of dollars. Now she focuses her vast experience on teaching others the skill of copywriting. Lorrie is the author of an award winning copywriting course, creator of the Red Hot Copywriting Bootcamp and founder of Copy Campus, a unique membership resource site designed to support copywriters and entrepreneurs on all levels. Visit her site to learn more at http://www.red-hot-copy.com .

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lorrie_Morgan-Ferrero

Do You Believe You Can Stop Eating?

Think about your belief in your ability to break this simple habit. The habit of eating when you’re not hungry. The habit of needing to feel stuffed to be satisfied. You can break the pattern, even if you don’t believe you can. It happens when you first simply stop eating a little sooner. You may still have over eaten, but your level of stuffed can be qualified, and you know when you’ve had enough, too much, or way too much. Start by learning to leave one bite on your plate. (Even a smear counts, whatever it takes to leave a teeny bit, it’s a start).

I know, that idea may seem radical, but it’s a great way to discover how you’ve eaten everything on your plate because it’s a habit to do so. Even if you only leave one pea, leave something on your plate. Secondly, just because there is more on the serving plate, don’t think you need to take more food. Wait a few minutes. Settle in. Get comfortable with the feeling of satisfaction. Get in touch with your hunger levels.

Do You Recognize Hunger Signals

I remember learning to recognize my hunger levels and the shock (and dismay) when I’d realize I’d had enough but half my food was still on my plate. I learned to ask for a doggy bag, take it home and eat in the next day. I learned to sometimes fix myself less food. I learned half a sandwich is sometimes enough. I learned a piece of fruit can satisfy my greatest hunger, for now, while I wait for dinner to cook. I learned, and so will you, when you just start to pay attention.

You can still have it all, but maybe you’ll eat half now and half later, and that’s okay.

Small Shifts Equal Big Change

Small shifts in your beliefs about what you can accomplish may take a bit of time, but when you do make the shift it will seem sudden and it will be permanent. Ask anyone who’s lost a lot of weight and kept it off, and they’ll tell you, “I don’t know, something just suddenly clic.ked.” You can experience this sudden shift too.

Start today by noticing how much food you’re being offered when you aren’t hungry. Can you take some and save it for later? Just because the holidays are here is not an excuse to eat everything in sight. Thinking you’ll start your diet in January is a cop-out. Why put it off until then? Why not get started right now?

Get more in tune with what you do day-to-day and you can let go of the fear of either suffering through another diet or gaining more weight, or losing it and then regaining it. You don’t have to choose between stuffing or starving. You can learn to eat good food, enjoy it more, and melt into the shape you truly are meant to be.

~~ Kathryn Martyn, Master NLP Practitioner, EFT counselor, Weight Loss Coach and owner of One More Bite Weight Loss is the author of “Changing Beliefs, Your First Step to Permanent Weight Loss.”

Learn to use Kathryn’s One More Bite Approach with The Daily Bites: Mini lessons in using EFT for weight loss http://www.OneMoreBite-WeightLoss.com/getnews.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kathryn_Martyn,_M.NLP

By: Arman Darini, Ph.D.

All right, good to be talking with you again. Today we’ll take a deep dive inside THE single most important ability you have as a human being. If you are poor in this area, then… well, it’s rough to be you. And if you excel at it, then the whole world is at your fingertips. However, even if you excel at it, I know that you are not nearly as good as you can be. How come I know?

Because all of us without exception (ok, maybe there are a few extraordinary individuals out there) were NOT taught this ability. We picked it up at random in the childhood, by watching adults, who in their turn picked it up at random in their childhood, ad infinum. Somewhere at the beginning of this great ancestral chain is a not-so-smart monkey, if you catch my drift.
So you have more chances of winning a lottery – twice, than being really good at it right now. But, I *know* from years of training experience, that you CAN become *amazingly* good at it. With results so far reaching and important for your life, that your grand grandma will wake up and hug me for teaching you this skill.

“Enough of pulling my leg. WHAT IS IT?”

*Drum roll* Decisions, decisions, decisions. How well (or how badly) you make decisions. Not any specific decision, but how good is your *process* of deciding. Bet you never even thought about that!

During the last 100 years, psychologists have studied how people make decisions. How great generals do it, how Olympic champions do it, how house moms with ten kids do it, how lonely priests do it. The results are inspiring.

They (psychologists) have figured out the structure of extraordinary decision making AND the most common psychological traps all of us fall into. I will talk about some of the most frequent traps that your mind stumbles in (trust us, it does – hundreds of experiments have verified this) in the next article. Today we are taking a closer look at the structure of extraordinary decision making.

The structure is the sequence of steps you must follow to get the result you want. If you skip or change the steps, you get different results. If you mess up excellent decision making steps, you get messed up results. Of course, once you become an excellent decision maker, you can be more creative with the steps, but until then it pays to follow what those people do who are already amazing at it.

There are three steps to extraordinary decision making:
1) Frame the problem.
2) Collect information.
3) Draw conclusions.

Let’s look at each of these steps in detail.

First, you frame the problem by asking a specific question that you want answered: Do I want Chinese or Italian today? How do I double my salary? Where can I find the love of my life? That question forms the frame for the decision, because it highlights some aspects of the problem while pushing others into the shadow. EVERY question that you can possibly ask will focus your attention on one thing and hide another thing. For example, I might have also liked to get some sushi, but that alternative is outside the frame. It might be just as easily possible to triple my salary, but that’s outside the frame. Maybe instead of searching for my love, it’s better to wait and have her find me, but that’s outside the frame as well.

The moment you frame the problem, you delete chunks of reality from the consideration. So be careful what you delete. Way too often the initial decision frame crops the best alternatives out. Examine a few decisions you made recently – how much time did you spend on framing the problem? It should be 5-20% of the total decision making time.

Second, you collect information that you don’t already know. And this is key. What you think you don’t know and what you actually don’t know are light years apart. Time and time again, experiments have confirmed that we are GROSSLY overconfident in our knowledge (we don’t have the time or the inclination to do it here, but at our trainings we demonstrate that fact to you beyond any doubt – it’s highly worth having this etched into your mind).

The single best strategy to avoid overconfidence (let’s not confuse confidence with competence here) is to ask disconfirming questions. You are probably used to asking questions that confirm your intuitions and beliefs. You need to do just the opposite – ask questions that disconfirm your opinions. For example, suppose one of your alternatives for doubling the salary is to get a second job. A confirming question would be: “How will getting a second job double my salary?” A disconfirming question would be: ‘How can getting a second job fail to double my salary?” Think of it as playing the devil’s advocate with your decision alternatives. Only then you can make sure you have got solid, high quality information essential for extraordinary decision making.

Third, you take all the information and the decision objectives, and make the best conclusion. How you come to the conclusion is important. Some people flip coins, others hesitate until they grow so frustrated they latch onto the first conclusion they see. Yet others trust their intuition, and a few even apply linear models (weighing pros and cons). None of these is the best all the time, each has its own uses. I personally would flip a coin to decide on the restaurant, weigh pros and cons to triple my salary, and trust my intuition to find the love of my life (don’t try this last one yet – intuition CAN be an incredible tool, but you have to develop it first, lest it gets confused with inner chat). What’s important is that you are aware of the method you use to draw conclusions, and know when to use it and when to switch to something more effective.

So there you have it, extraordinary decision making in a nutshell. Of course, to master it you need a few more details. And lots of practice, the opportunity for which, luckily, happens several hundred times a day.

You’ve just read TIP #84 FOR CREATING AN EXTRAORDINARY AND MEANINGFUL LIFE brought to you by Holographic University. To get the next Tip visit us at:

http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/magazinesignup.php?w=Tip84

May You Be Happy!
- Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Arman Darini, Ph.D. is the director of Holographic University, the author of weekly Tips for Creating an Extraordinary and Meaningful Life, and a certified international http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/nlpguide.php Trainer. As the leader of a dynamic team of Life Trainers and Coaches, Arman’s motto is “I don’t believe in your limitations”. To learn more about Arman, visit http://www.ArmanDarini.com

Article Source: http://www.articleonlinedirectory.com

By: Michelle Rowley
How to Be Happy -20 Tips That Really Work!
from Michelle Rowley, author of “Personal Growth Strategies”.

Tip 1 Have a positive attitude. One of the most significant, contributing factors to happiness is optimistic thinking. Although you won’t always have a choice in determining what goes on around you, you will always have a choice in determining how react to what goes on around you. This will largely determine the extent to which you are, or aren’t happy.

Tip 2 Make happiness a priority. If happiness is not at the top of your list then other things will take your focus. We become what we think about all day, so think, positive happy thoughts. It’s a choice, moment by moment.

Tip 3 Live your values. Be true to yourself. By living your life according to your values, you will develop an attitude of true acceptance of yourself. You will realize that you are fine the way you are. You may choose to make some changes in your life simply because you realize that you have greater potential than you have utilized so far.

Tip 4 Love Yourself. High self-esteem is crucial for a happy life. Healthy self-esteem means relying on what’s on the inside, rather than what’s happening in the outside world to make you happy. Self-esteem is the core of your power and all else stems from this.

Tip 5 Set goals for success. Give your mind a positive goal to focus on. Just like in any other life area, the successful pursuit of happiness requires planning. Planning requires effective goal setting. And don’t forget to make sure your goals are SMART (specific,measurable, achievable, relevant and timed).

Tip 6 Do things that make you happy. Although this sounds obvious, many people simply forget to do things from which they gain pleasure. And do them as often as possible.

Tip 7 Live in the present moment. Remember that life is finite. The author, Henry Miller once said “Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. ”The only moment in which we can truly be happy is the present moment. The only moment over which we have control is the present moment. So be happy now! Because if not now, then when?

Tip 8 Have a laugh Laughing is one of the quickest ways to send our happiness levels soaring. A Stanford University study showed that one minute of laughter equaled 10 minutes on a rowing machine in terms of warding off stress.

Tip 9 Engage in random acts of kindness. Did you know that by simply being kind to another person or witnessing a kind act boosts your serotonin levels in you and the other person? It also increases the levels in another person witnessing the act. Happy people are more generous and altruistic.

Tip 10 Eat your way to happiness. Fuel up on fish: Fish are high in omega-3s which boost your happiness. Eat complex carbohydrates – this means wholegrain bread, starchy vegetables, beans and pulses, and wholegrain cereals. MIT scientists say these boost the brain’s levels of serotonin, which plays a big role in how happy we feel. Take Tryptophan. Found in turkey, avocados and bananas, tryptophan promotes the production of serotonin. A study published in the journal Brain, Behavior and Immunity found a lack of tryptophan can lower your mood levels. Don’t forget to take a good amino acid supplement- more and more information is coming out that we need to be supplementing our diets with the building blocks of protein- amino-acids.

Tip 11 Go, go and keep going all the way. We all face obstacles and problems at times. Happy people expect this and adapt to them. All of the components outlined above are skills that can be learned. Just like any other skills, you’ll get better at utilizing these strategies with practice and perseverance. Stick at it and happiness will be yours.

Tip 12 Focus on your strengths, not weaknesses. Work out what you’re good at and find ways to do it as much as possible. Happiness is not as much about fixing your faults and overcoming your weaknesses as it is about finding ways to focus your life on and around your talents and qualities.

Tip 13 Have fun and enjoy humor Take delight in life and create fun experiencesfor yourself. Don’t make life be too heavy!

Tip 14 Control what you can control. Cultivate the feeling that you are in control of your own destiny. Happiness can be enhanced by maximizing the control you have over your life. So learn and practice skills such as problem solving, time management and meditation and communication. At the same time, however, no one has complete control and so it is also important to be realistic and to accept that over which you have no control. Accept what youcan’t control. And learn to change problems into opportunities for growth and development.

Tip 15 Invest time and energy in to your key relationships. Happy people spend more time working on, and in, their relationships. Happy people tend to be more supportive of other people in their life.

Tip 16 When a problems arises see what you can learn from itEverything you do and every person you meet, in every situation, presents an opportunity to learn, change and grow. Every situation you find yourself in can be a great opportunity to expand yourself. There is always something to learn from a problem. This is the same for problems in a relationship. Look at problems as challenges to learn and grow from both for yourselves and your relationship.

Tip 17 Replace negative self talk with positive self talkThe Dalai Lama has been quoted saying that “The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.” Learn first to identify your negativethoughts and then begin to challenge those that are negative and unhelpful.

Tip 18 Ensure you get adequate sleep, rest, exercise and waterListen to your body and what it is telling you. You need to take care of yourself and this also involves getting plenty of rest, drinking at least 8 glasses of water each day and relaxation and/or meditation strategies. Exercise regularly. Exercising produces endorphins or “happy” hormones.

Tip 19 Develop a sense of life purpose. Developing a sense of life purpose will also markedly increase your chances of experiencing true happiness. As well as working out where you want to get to, make sure you have a good reason for why you’re trying to go there.

Tip 20 Be grateful and appreciate what you have. We all have many choices in life, one of which is whether to focus on all the things we don’t have (of which theremight be many), or to focus on all the things we do have. There’s no doubt, that gratitude and appreciation will significantly increase your chances of experiencing happiness

Many of the tips listed here are described in more detail in the ebook,Personal Growth Strategies http://www.personal-growth-strategies.com/

About the Author

Michelle Rowley is a Master Practitioner of NLP, Timeline Therapy™ and Hypnotherapy and is certified by their respective American Boards. She is the author of Personal Growth Strategies. http://www.personal-growth-strategies.com

Article Source: http://www.articleonlinedirectory.com

By: Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Good to be connecting with you again. Our topic for today is common and deadly decision traps, and how to avoid them. Recall that in the previous article we spoke about the structure of extraordinary decision making, and I explained the steps you have to follow to make excellent outcomes happen. As you follow the steps, it’s important to watch out for a handful of places where most people consistently make mistakes. I will point out two of them today, explain how to sidestep each one and top it off with a simple way to turn hesitation into decisiveness. Your job, of course, is to be honest with yourself, notice what you need to work on, and learn how to improve your decision muscle.

FIRST TRAP of plunging in:

Ok, the first major trap happens even before the deciding starts. It’s the trap of plunging in headfirst into the deciding without pausing to answer one critical question: What’s the essence of the problem?

Let’s take our decision example from last week: “How do I double my salary?” If you jump in to answer this question without thinking, you might answer the wrong question altogether. Ask yourself first: “What’s the essence of the problem?” Are you even seeing the different possibilities? Consider these and notice just how much they differ:
- You need to make more money.
- You want to feel that your work is valued appropriately.
- You are looking for another challenge.
- Your spouse is beating you over the head demanding that you earn more.
- You want to bolster your self-esteem.

Do you see how each of these completely changes the underlying decision, and will necessarily lead to different alternatives and outcomes? For example, if you are looking for another challenge, then you won’t take up the job washing dishes in a restaurant. If, on the other hand, it’s about your self-esteem, then the simplest solution might be invest in a couple of hours of NLP coaching to quickly improve your self-esteem that way.

If you are not aware of the essence of the problem, then you will randomly pick one and it’s often the wrong one. Just think how many times have you thought you really wanted something, went out and bought it, and a few days later felt as dissatisfied as your were before the purchase. You’ve been solving the wrong problem!

SECOND TRAP of frame blindness:

The second major decision trap is frame blindness. Recall from the last newsletter that framing the decision happens in languaging the question that you pose. Framing is inevitable, and it brings some aspects of the problem into the focus, while pushing others into the background.

One subtle and influential frame effect is hidden inside the unspoken beliefs you have about what is possible. These beliefs form the boundaries of your map of the world. If you don’t believe it is possible to triple your salary, then your decision frame will exclude this alternative. If you believe that it is hard to find someone who will love you wholeheartedly, then you will refuse to consider the easy opportunities to meeting such person.

Your beliefs frame your reality. And you know what? Most of them are arbitrary. What’s even worse, most of the beliefs you’ve got were installed into your mind without your awareness by your well-meaning family, friends, school, and culture. Unfortunately well-meaning is not the same as wise. All this happened when you were a small child and quite gullible. If we laid out your beliefs on a flat table in front of your eyes and you examined them right now, you would find many of them silly, outdated and false.

So, how can you avoid this trap of unspoken beliefs? Whenever you pose a decision question, ask yourself: “What will always remain true in any answer to this question?” Take, for instance, the decision: “How do I double my salary?” Regardless of the answer, you will be looking for ways to increase the salary and not to save the money. And you will be looking for a job where someone pays you a salary. Once the beliefs presupposed by the question become clear, choose whether you want to expand the frame or leave it as it is. (As an exercise, count all the unspoken beliefs inside the “Where can I find the love of my life?” decision.)

All right, enough about traps. You’ve listened attentively, you’ve learned well, you followed the extraordinary decision making steps and you carefully avoided the traps. Now is finally the right time to make the decision and take the first action. BUT, what’s that? What are those unbidden questions in your mind: “Have I really thought this through?” “Is there something I haven’t considered?” “What else could I do?”

Stalling. Hesitating. Feeling afraid of closing the doors on other opportunities. Because by making the decision you commit to one path and close off all the others. If you are of the kind that likes to keep her options open, then deciding means trouble.

Oh-oh. What to do? Well, if I was your coach working with you 1 on 1, then there are a few hundred of different possibilities we could explore to find the right solution for you. But, not having this luxury, here is a cookie cutter approach that often works right out of the box. Ask yourself: “How many opportunities am I missing right now by deciding to become rigid with hesitation?” Most people rarely consider the cost of not making the decision right away, and so rarely feel the urgency. This question moves you beyond hesitation into action. And, as you well know, decisions are lifeless until you take the first step. NOW.

You’ve just read TIP #85 FOR CREATING AN EXTRAORDINARY AND MEANINGFUL LIFE brought to you by Holographic University. To get the next Tip visit us at:

http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/magazinesignup.php?w=Tip85

May You Be Happy!
- Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Arman Darini, Ph.D. is the director of Holographic University, the author of weekly Tips for Creating an Extraordinary and Meaningful Life, and a certified international http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/nlpguide.php Trainer. As the leader of a dynamic team of Life Trainers and Coaches, Arman’s motto is “I don’t believe in your limitations”. To learn more about Arman, visit http://www.ArmanDarini.com

Article Source: http://www.articleonlinedirectory.com

By: Judith Waller

Affirmations can be powerful tools for change, helping to overcome negative thought patterns and leading to new ways of being. But what if you’re getting mixed results with them – sometimes what you’re doing is working, sometimes not? How can you get the most out of your efforts? This article lists some easy steps to get affirmations to really work for you.

Affirmations are positive statements of intent that are articulated in a clear and simple way. For example, if you are concentrating on increasing your financial prosperity you might affirm: “The more I have, the more I have to give” or “Every day I am growing more financially prosperous.”

When using affirmations, it’s important to understand how the mind works. Your unconscious acts like a sponge, soaking up everything you give it – good or bad – completely without judgement. As Neale Donald Walsch said: “The universe never says no to your thought about yourself. It only grows it.” Affirmations plant positive seeds into your unconscious mind for the universe to grow.

WHAT HELPS AFFIRMATIONS WORK WELL?
1. Sharpen focus and intent…
Just like a mantra, which is spoken over and over in a concentrated way in order to still the mind and create a particular spiritual focus or invoke a state of being, the effect of an affirmation can be strengthened through repetition, and by sharpening your focus and intent.

2. Own the words…
Try to be crystal clear about what you want to achieve and use language that you truly own – put it into your words. It’s also helpful to focus on only one thing at a time, rather than diffusing your concentration by trying to do too much at once.

3. Engage your emotions…
You need to engage your emotions as well as your mind, so speak from your heart. Just repeating words without any feeling attached to them is unlikely to have much of an impact. Always check that you’re emotionally connecting with what you’re saying. Involve as many of the senses as possible and the power of your affirmations will be greatly increased.

HARNESS THE POWER OF NLP

When using affirmations, you need to find what fits best with your own style. So… experiment! You may find that what actually works is something you’ve never tried before. It’s important to keep it fun and interesting so that you really connect with the process. The use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques can enhance your enjoyment and dramatically increase the effectiveness of your affirmations.

Put simply, NLP is a way of understanding and responding to different ways of communicating and processing information – “how people do what they do”. There are three main styles: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Each of us is some sort of mix of these, with our own particular preferences or strengths. Consider which of the following is the best fit for you…

1. Visual…
Do you find you mostly absorb information in a visual way, through words and images? Then try the simple process of writing an affirmation out repeatedly (you can pretend you’re Bart Simpson!). Or go out and put together a montage of pictures to go along with the words, to represent what you wish to bring into your life. Be creative about it – draw, paint, tear pictures out of magazines, use fabric or texture… Remember to be bold and colourful, because the more passionate you are about it, the stronger your motivation will be to make it happen. Pin it up somewhere so you will see it and be inspired every day!

2. Auditory…
Do you need to hear or speak things in order to make sense of them? If you absorb information through sound, say an affirmation out loud or record it and play it back for yourself. Try selecting a piece of music that evokes a specific mood or emotion in you (something that makes you feel great!), and play it consistently while saying the affirmation to yourself. Then, just as listening to a favourite song can bring up happy memories from the past, regularly playing your chosen piece of music can serve to reinforce the affirmation for you.

3. Kinesthetic…
Do you prefer learning new things through practical experience? Going for a walk is a great way of involving the whole body, and works well if you like to take in information through feelings or actions. Go to a favourite place outdoors and say the affirmation in rhythm with your breath and step, feeling the warmth of the sun or the bite of the wind, smelling freshly-cut grass or the sweetness of wildflowers. Run, walk the dog, dance, clap your hands, do yoga or turn cartwheels – anything that makes the experience more vivid…

And above all, however you use affirmations, enjoy yourself! Remember, you’re planting positive seeds in your mind for the universe to grow, so be joyous about it, tend your “garden” consistently and you will reap the rewards…
Affirmations can be powerful tools for change, helping to overcome negative thought patterns and leading to new ways of being. But what if you’re getting mixed results with them – sometimes what you’re doing is working, sometimes not? How can you get the most out of your efforts? This article lists some easy steps to get affirmations to really work for you.

Affirmations are positive statements of intent that are articulated in a clear and simple way. For example, if you are concentrating on increasing your financial prosperity you might affirm: “The more I have, the more I have to give” or “Every day I am growing more financially prosperous.”

When using affirmations, it’s important to understand how the mind works. Your unconscious acts like a sponge, soaking up everything you give it – good or bad – completely without judgement. As Neale Donald Walsch said: “The universe never says no to your thought about yourself. It only grows it.” Affirmations plant positive seeds into your unconscious mind for the universe to grow.

WHAT HELPS AFFIRMATIONS WORK WELL?

1. Sharpen focus and intent…
Just like a mantra, which is spoken over and over in a concentrated way in order to still the mind and create a particular spiritual focus or invoke a state of being, the effect of an affirmation can be strengthened through repetition, and by sharpening your focus and intent.

2. Own the words…
Try to be crystal clear about what you want to achieve and use language that you truly own – put it into your words. It’s also helpful to focus on only one thing at a time, rather than diffusing your concentration by trying to do too much at once.

3. Engage your emotions…
You need to engage your emotions as well as your mind, so speak from your heart. Just repeating words without any feeling attached to them is unlikely to have much of an impact. Always check that you’re emotionally connecting with what you’re saying. Involve as many of the senses as possible and the power of your affirmations will be greatly increased.

HARNESS THE POWER OF NLP

When using affirmations, you need to find what fits best with your own style. So… experiment! You may find that what actually works is something you’ve never tried before. It’s important to keep it fun and interesting so that you really connect with the process. The use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques can enhance your enjoyment and dramatically increase the effectiveness of your affirmations.

Put simply, NLP is a way of understanding and responding to different ways of communicating and processing information – “how people do what they do”. There are three main styles: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Each of us is some sort of mix of these, with our own particular preferences or strengths. Consider which of the following is the best fit for you…

1. Visual…
Do you find you mostly absorb information in a visual way, through words and images? Then try the simple process of writing an affirmation out repeatedly (you can pretend you’re Bart Simpson!). Or go out and put together a montage of pictures to go along with the words, to represent what you wish to bring into your life. Be creative about it – draw, paint, tear pictures out of magazines, use fabric or texture… Remember to be bold and colourful, because the more passionate you are about it, the stronger your motivation will be to make it happen. Pin it up somewhere so you will see it and be inspired every day!

2. Auditory…
Do you need to hear or speak things in order to make sense of them? If you absorb information through sound, say an affirmation out loud or record it and play it back for yourself. Try selecting a piece of music that evokes a specific mood or emotion in you (something that makes you feel great!), and play it consistently while saying the affirmation to yourself. Then, just as listening to a favourite song can bring up happy memories from the past, regularly playing your chosen piece of music can serve to reinforce the affirmation for you.

3. Kinesthetic…
Do you prefer learning new things through practical experience? Going for a walk is a great way of involving the whole body, and works well if you like to take in information through feelings or actions. Go to a favourite place outdoors and say the affirmation in rhythm with your breath and step, feeling the warmth of the sun or the bite of the wind, smelling freshly-cut grass or the sweetness of wildflowers. Run, walk the dog, dance, clap your hands, do yoga or turn cartwheels – anything that makes the experience more vivid…

And above all, however you use affirmations, enjoy yourself! Remember, you’re planting positive seeds in your mind for the universe to grow, so be joyous about it, tend your “garden” consistently and you will reap the rewards…

————————-

About the Author:

————————-

Judith Waller, “The Soul Connector”, is a professional coach, facilitator and writer who helpspeople create authentic and fulfilling lives. Go to http://www.soulbuilder.com.au/ target=_blank>http://www.soulbuilder.com.au/ to sign up for her ezine and get a free copy of he ebook “Living in Bliss! 10 secrets of a soul-full life”.

Article Source: http://www.articleonlinedirectory.com

by Kris Hallbom

The whole notion of cause and effect has made healing for people in Western society more difficult than it needs to be. It would be much easier for people to heal if everyone in the world took a systemic approach towards health and well being. The whole nature of systemic thinking is about the laws that govern systems, the relationships, between the systems, outside of systems and the boundaries that separate the systems. Many of today’s physicians operate, with good intention, under the constraints of linear thought when they are trying to help a patient get better. They would be much better off is they thought systemically.

Systemic Thinking versus Linear Thought

Instead of focusing solely on the “cause and effects” of the client’s disease or health condition, physician’s taking a systemic perspective might focus more closely on the systemic factors revolving around the client’s condition such as their living and working environments; their relationships with the people around them; and their relationship with their self physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

The first and most important step on the path of healing, when taking a systemic approach is to have the client or patient clearly imagine how he would like to be in his desired state of health and well being. Setting an outcome will facilitate the change process because of the brain’s ability to function as a cybernetic mechanism. This means that once the client or patient is clear on his outcome, the brain’s natural response will be to organize itself towards whatever images or beliefs he has created in his mind about getting better. The client will begin to automatically get self corrective feedback and the brain will systematically trigger the necessary immunological responses to guide him towards the goal of health and well-being.(1)

According to NLP developer Robert Dilts, systemic models are different from statistical or linear models in that they deal with the feedback of total systems, systems in which events at any position in the system may be expected to have effect at all positions on the system at later times. A particular cause or effect cannot be isolated from its context. Therefore, each part must be considered and measured in terms of the whole. Human behavior, health conditions and experiences in general are undoubtedly the result of such a system. Therefore, any satisfactory model of human experience, behavioral, physiological or epistemological, must be systemic.(2)

Greek philosophers first turned their attention to linear thought in the 5th Century B.C. Since then, it has been almost universally accepted that everything that has a beginning must be caused by something else. The Scottish philosopher David Hume disagreed with the early Greeks. Hume held the idea that the causal relationship between two events occurring in sequence is nothing more than a habit of mind. In 1739, he wrote A Treatise of Human Nature which is an analytical rejection of the commonly established ideas of causation. Hume rejected the idea that everything that has a beginning must be caused by something else.

“All we can justly say of causality is that what we take to be a cause always precedes what we take to be its effect and that there is always contiguity between the two. Beyond this nothing an be claimed,” said Hume.(3)

Established ideas of causality among evolutionary biologists support Hume’s analytical rejection. For example, how can we describe the evolution of the reptilian egg in terms of cause and effect? According to evolutionary theory, the reptilian egg is the result of the random mutations. Numerous events must have occurred for the development of the reptilian egg to succeed. Between the mutations that produced the eggshell and those that produced the embryos heart, there could be no causal connection; all of these events occurred randomly. And if there were no such connections, then how was the whole process orchestrated? From this point of view, the reptilian egg appears as the result of a culmination of improbably and random coincidences. Hence, the most logical answer to the primordial egg dilemma is to view it through the lenses of systemic thinking.

The point of all of this is to note the difference between systemic thinking versus linear though; which is geared more towards the concept of cause and effect. Keep in mind that we are a system of interactions and we are also a system within a system within a system. The interactions that happen within a human being, between human beings and their environment are systemic and respond to certain systemic principles. Our bodies, our interpersonal relationships and our societies form a kind of ecology of systems and subsystems, all of which are mutually influencing each other.(4)

The interactionary process between all of these systems plays a key role in our personal health and well being. In the following sections, the interactionary process between mind and body will be further explored.

How Do Mind Maps Effect the Body?

One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that the map is not the territory. Everyone on this planet has their own personal filters of reality and thus, their own map of reality. The filters that we wear through life influence our personal map of reality. Everyday we trek through similar territories, but because we wear different filters and use different maps, those territories appear different.

As human beings, we can never know reality because we have to experience reality through our five senses, and our senses are limited. Therefore, we don’t tend to respond to reality itself, but rather to our own maps of reality. We all have our own worldview and that view is based upon the sort of neurolinguistic maps that we have formed. It’s these neurolinguistic maps that will determine how we interpret and how we react to the world around us and give meaning to our behaviors and our experiences, more so than reality itself. Thus, its’ generally not external reality that limits us or constrains us or empower us, but it’s rather our maps of that reality.(5)

One of the primary constituents of our personal maps of reality is that of imprints. An imprint is basically a memory that is formed at an early age, and can serve as a root for both the limiting and empowering beliefs that we may form as children. Some of the limiting beliefs that we may develop at these early ages are not always healthy, and are created as a result of a traumatic or confusing experience that we forgot. How we unconsciously and consciously view the world in terms of health is generally based on those beliefs.

Having an imprint laced with unhealthy beliefs can create serious problems for the immune system. Keep in mind that the brain is systemic, meaning that if you’re creating unhealthy beliefs in your life based on unconscious imprints, the brain will attempt to self correct those images or beliefs in the form of an immunological response. Even if the limiting beliefs are repressed or forgotten, the brain is still capable of serving as a catalyst for undesirable health conditions because of its systemic capabilities.

Many unhealthy immunological responses are the result of limiting beliefs that were created through confusion or traumatic experiences. These types of limiting beliefs contain two aspects and those aspects exist within the imprint or memory. One aspect is the way you perceived the trauma/confusion as a child, the memory or feelings of the younger you still exist inside the imprint.

The other aspect that we incorporate when we experience a trauma as a child is the point of view of the other people who were there at the time of the event. Some of those people might include family members, teachers or friends. It is during the formation of these early imprints that the limiting beliefs are formed. These limiting beliefs are capable of systemically manifesting in the form of a disease or ailment in later years.(6)

How Do Beliefs Effect the Territory?

The notion of beliefs and health is a concept that goes hand in hand with maps and territory. If the mind is the map and the body is the territory, then the unconscious and conscious beliefs that we have about our personal health are going to effect us systemically; as well as throughout the neurological levels of change (i.e. environment, behavior, capabilities, beliefs and values, identity and even spiritually to a certain extent).(7)

Unresourceful physical manifestations and psychosomatic problems, which are generally based on beliefs, are made apparent through the interactions of the brain’s cerebral cortex, limbic system and hypothalamus in correlation with the autonomic, endocrine, immune and neuropeptide systems. And in the same breath, the ability to heal ourselves from such conditions by creating healthy beliefs in exchange for the old ones ? is also made apparent through the same cerebral interactions.(8)

At the center of all of this amazing activity is the hypothalamus which receives signals from all parts of the nervous system so that it functions as a central information exchange concerned with the well-being of the entire body.

The hypothalamus lies in the very middle of the limbic lobe. Although is a relatively small structure (comparable to the size of a pea and weighing no more than a few grams) it is an important structure. It controls the autonomic nervous system which is made up of the parasympathetic and sympathetic systems, creating physical excitatory and inhibitory responses within the body; and it controls the endocrine system and organizes behaviors that are related to the body’s basic regulatory and survival systems (hunger, thirst, fighting, fleeing and sex). The hypothalamus thus, integrates the sensory-perceptual, emotional, and cognitive functions of mind with the biology of the body.(9)

The most recently recognized regulatory function of the hypothalamus is its influence on the immune system. According to Earnest Rossi, author of The Psychobiology of MindBody Healing, there are actual psychophysiological mechanisms whereby the hypothalamus can alter both cellular and hormonal immune activity within the limbic system.(10)

Moreover, because the immune system is within the limbic lobe and the limbic lobe is basically the center for our emotional and cognitive functions; and certain emotions and beliefs are attached to various imprints within the unconscious mind, then it is possible to see and understand how we can become susceptible to unresourceful health conditions and diseases.

Rossi further states that the autonomic nervous system has been regarded traditionally as the major means by which therapeutic hypnosis is capable of achieving it’s biological effects.(11) If this is true, then it seems apparent that the autonomic nervous system would serve NLP interventions in the same way.

Based on all of the aforementioned information, it is only logical that if you change a person’s beliefs, then it is possible to change their physical state of being from an unresourceful state to that of health and well-being ? given that the new state is ecological throughout the systemic and neurological levels of change.

Using NLP to Create Systemic Change Within the Mind and Body

Neuro-Linguistic Programming can help a person through many of the roadblocks that keep them from healing themselves. One of the more common roadblocks for many people to overcome is their inability to believe in their own healing process. If someone believes that they aren’t going to get better, then they won’t take the necessary steps to get better.

In Robert Dilts’ book, Changing Belief Systems with NLP, he states that most people who have a difficult time recovering from an illness or condition usually adopt one of the following beliefs about their recovery process.
Hopelessness: If a person is hopeless he feels or believes an outcome is just not possible. A typical statement would be. There is no hope.

Helplessness: If a person is helpless he feels or believes that he does not have the capability of getting better. Some typical statements would be, I am not good enough, I don’t have the capability to heal myself. Healing is possible, but I’m not capable.

Worthlessness: If a person feels or believes he is worthless, then he thinks that he doesn’t deserve to heal. A typical statement would be, Maybe I don’t deserve to be healthy.(12)
When working with any limiting belief such as the ones mentioned above, the NLP Practitioner’s primary goal is to move the client from his present state of discomfort to the desired state of health and well being. This can be done by helping the client create appropriate beliefs for the way he’s chosen to heal from his condition. There are many NLP processes that can be used with the client to help him achieve his outcome.

Case Example

NLP trainers and co-authors Tim Hallbom and Suzi Smith used NLP methods to help a woman who had a cancerous thyroid. The woman had two biopsies and tested positive for cancer both times. Hallbom and Smith spent 4 hours working with her in two different sessions. When the woman went back to her doctor, he told her that the cancer on her thyroid seemed smaller than it did before, but that he wanted to go ahead and operate on her anyway because waiting could be dangerous. When he operated he found that it had, in fact, shrunk up and it was no longer malignant.(13)

During that 4-hour session, the NLP trainers did some reimprinting (14) with the client and they helped her to integrate some deep-rooted unconscious conflicts that she had within herself. They did this by assisting her to identify the positive goals and intentions behind her conflict.

One of the NLP presuppositions is that there is a positive intention behind every conflict, limiting belief or problem. This means that some aspect of the person is benefiting in a positive way from their limiting behavior, otherwise they would not be demonstrating the behavior.

(A classic example would be of the teenager who starts smoking to gain attention. Even though smoking isn’t positive or healthy, the mind might deem the attention that is gained form smoking as positive).

It was observed that the woman’s goals were in conflict. When there is a goal that is in conflict with another goal, you begin to fight yourself. One way of fighting yourself is by developing a disease such as cancer, according to Hallbom.

While working with the woman, Hallbom assisted her in re-identifying and integrating her goals. Once her goals were integrated, they were then able to assist her in moving towards her desired outcome of health and well being. Until you know what the positive aspect of the limiting beliefs or conflicts are, you can’t do that and that’s why NLP and systemic thinking are such valuable tools for helping people with health issues. (15)

References

1. Dilts, R., T. Hallbom and S. Smith, Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being, Portland, OR: Metamorphous Press, 1990.
2. Dilts, Robert, Roots of Neuro Linguistic Programming, Cupertino, CA: Meta Publications, 1983.
3. Hume, David, A Treatise of Human Nature, London, England: Longmans Green, 1874.
4. Based on an essay that Robert Dilts wrote on NLP Presuppositions and Creativity.
5. Ibid.
6. Hallbom, T. and K. Johnson Hallbom , Future Medicine Now, Beverly Hills, CA: The Holistic Book Project, 1993.
7. Robert Dilts is the primary developer of the Neurological Levels of Change.
8. Carlson, Neil, Physiology of Behavior, Newton, Mass: Allyn and Canon, Inc., 1986.
9. Rossi, Earnest, The Psychobiology of MindBody Healing, Makham, Ontario: Penguin Books Eanada, 1986.
10. Ibid.
11. Ibid.
12. Dilts, Robert, Changing Belief Systems with NLP, Cupertino, CA: Meta Publications, 1990.
13. Dilts, Hallbom, and Smith, Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well Being.
14. Reimprinting is an NLP process that was developed by Robert Dilts.
15. Hallbom, T. and K. Johnson Hallbom, Future Medicine Now.

Kris Hallbom is the co-director of the NLP Institute of California and is a professional writer. She is a long time student of NLP and Systemic thinking, and holds a degree in Psychology and Languages. ..She also does private consulting using these media.