By: Richard Butler

There are four key corner stones to NLP. These cornerstones will help you understand more about NLP and why it works so effectively.

Cornerstone 1: Outcomes

This cornerstone is concerned with what you actually want. The outcome can be from a business meeting, a project you are working on or a personal goal. Many people don’t have outcomes and don’t know what they want. When this happens they “go with the flow”, suddenly end up in a place they don’t want to be in and then wonder how they got there.

Outcomes are important, as once a person knows what they want they can then put processes into place that will help them reach and achieve their goals. When looking at outcomes NLP refers to them as Well Formed Outcomes – something you will see later in this course.

At this point one thing to remember is that getting what you want will affect your whole life in some way. It is important to understand that there is a price to pay for each outcome. For example if your outcome is to be promoted in work you may need to work harder and longer hours. This can affect your personal/family life. We will examine this in more detail during the Goals and Well Formed Outcomes module.

Cornerstone 2: Sensory Acuity

How much do you notice about a situation? Some people will remember every detail others will remember very little of a situation. Sensory acuity looks at improving your skills at observing situations more closely.

Exercise 1

Take 2 minutes to describe your watch in detail (without looking at your watch!):

Does it have a second hand?

If so does it move smoothly around the watch face?

What colour is the watch face?

Is there writing on it?

If so what colour?

Is your watch analogue or digital?

In the case of analogue are the numerals roman or standard?

In the case of digital is it 24 hour or are the letters am/pm displayed beside the time?

Is there a date function on your watch? Where is located on the face?

How many links are on your watch strap if metal?

If your watch is leather or made from another material what colour is it?

For many people the above exercise is quite difficult. Their watch is something they use everyday but may take little notice of it. Sensory Acuity looks at making you more aware of everything that is important going on around you. When you increase sensory acuity you tend to see things that others don’t.

Application to Business

Sensory acuity can help you in business as you will more aware of little movements in the body, or change in tone of voice, or perhaps when meeting a client you will see something on their desk or in their office that will help you understand them better. In a sales situation you will see the hesitant customer as you talk to them. You will see the subtle changes in skin colour that may indicate that the person is open to what you are saying or not!

The more observant you can be the more you will be able to identify use situations to help you get closer to your outcomes.

Cornerstone 3: Flexibility of Behaviour

There’s a saying “if you do the same things the same way you will get the same results” seems obvious but many of us follow this procedure time and time again and then wonder why the results achieved are always the same.

In order to reach your outcome you must be flexible in your behaviour. If a particular process you are using is not working reflect on what is going wrong and then change that behaviour, if this does not work change your behaviour again. The downfall of many people is that they do the same thing time and time again and never get different results.

Application to Business

Tom works in sales. He is very successful in the sales pitch but finds that he can’t go for the yes and gain closure. He wonders why this happens and does not realize his problem with the process he is running. After a while he decides to get help and is shown where he can improve. By changing one small part of the process he can now close sales in an effective manner.

In the fictional example above Tom was doing the same thing and getting the same results. When he decided to change part of the process he reaped the rewards. It is important to remember that you should continue to use what works for you but always be prepared to change what does not work. Remember that every client, business meeting will be different, therefore there is not a one fits all solution.

Cornerstone 4: Rapport

Have you been out and met someone and just clicked with them? You don’t know why but you just get on so well. There may be someone in your workplace who you can’t get on with, or in fact someone may not get on with you.

Unless you plan on not dealing with anyone except machines you will need to develop the skill of rapport. In the first part of the example above you just clicked with the person, in NLP terms you were in rapport with the person. You were both comfortable in each others company. If you look at two people who are getting on really well you will often see that they walk at the same pace, or pick up their drink at the same time or sit the same way. When two people are not in rapport it is easy to tell by their body language.

NLP sees rapport as an essential part of human communication and believes that there are subtle ways of ensuring you build rapport quickly and easily. When you develop your rapport skills you will see people warming to you instantly. In a later module you will see how to develop rapport with another person.

Application to Business

When you learn to build rapport quickly you will see that it will be easier to communicate with people and close that sale or finish that project. Good sales people are masters of building rapport – although they made do it unconsciously. Once you are in rapport the other person will be more willing and open to your suggestions.

It is important to study the above 4 cornerstones and to internalize them. These four cornerstones are the key to your success with NLP and your life.

NLP presuppositions

A presupposition is something that is taken as a fact without proof. Presuppositions are constantly used in the media and advertising. Take the following sentence:

Do you want a cup of tea now or after dinner?

What is presupposed is that the other person wants a cup of tea. The person many not have been thinking about having a cup of tea however you have suggested it to them, that it is a fact that they are having a cup the only choice they have is whether to have it now or later!

Application to Business

People in general are open to suggestion. The person who knows this and suggests things can often get to their outcome more successfully. A sales manager may say to his team: “I don’t mind which method you use to reach your monthly sales target.” The presupposition is that the person will reach their sales target – that is the given. This type of language can be more motivating and encouraging. The sales person now is thinking ok I am going to reach the target it just is up to me to select the method.

Advertisers use presuppositions a lot. When a person grasps the concept of using presuppositions they can be come very persuasive as the open people up to suggestions

NLP has a number of presuppositions. Again they are given as fact, however it is not claimed that they are true. When you begin to study them and use them you will see that they are in fact very useful and true.

Below are listed some of the main presuppositions

The map is not the territory

This is the most famous presupposition of NLP. Any books that you will read on NLP discuss this very important metaphor.

Think of a map. The map is simply a representation of the area it is depicting. It is not what the real area actually looks like. It is close but not the same.

Think of a menu in a restaurant – is that the actual food or simply a representation of the food? It is true to say it is only a representation.

This is relevant to our lives as we have a map of reality – the way we think reality is, however since everyone else has their own map they may find that their reality is slightly different from yours. Conflict occurs when one person uses their interpretation of the territory and says it is the correct view and the only view.

If a business person, a teacher and a doctor visit a medical lecture each will see something different. The business person may see how inefficiently run their training session is. The teacher may not see any inefficiencies but may see that the methods used in the lecture to convey information is wrong. The doctor may be appalled by the content.

Which view of the above is correct? Each one is correct for each individual.

It is very important to be open to see things from another perspective. When you can see that your way may not always be the correct way for everyone you begin to be a better manager/sales person/leader.

Application to Business

As a business person you must be open to all views of the business world. When you can’t see what someone else sees in a situation this can easily be because you both have a different map. This does not mean the other person it wrong, simply they see things differently to you.

The more flexible you are in your views, the more you will see why people are coming up with objections. Remember one of the cornerstones of NLP is flexibility of behaviour.

You can not not communicate!

One aspect of NLP is communication. One way people will know what you are saying and how they judge you will be on the words you use. Some of the most influential people in the word are where they are due to their ability to communicate clearly and effectively.

However it is important to remember that we can also communicate to others through body language. Those subtle changes in posture, that sideways look, a change in skin tone, getting hot under the collar. Many people not even see these things but now that you are being to develop sensory acuity you will begin to notice and pick up these body language cues.

It is important to understand that even if you say nothing others may pick this up as a sign or signal. Always ensure when you communicate you communicate as efficiently an clearly as possible.

Application to Business

By looking out for and becoming aware of changes in body language you will be able to “read” situations better. When you are at a meeting and ask if anyone has any ideas or objections look out for small movements which may indicate that someone does want to say something but may be afraid to speak up.

Once you refine your skill in detecting body language you will be able to build up rapport faster as people will feel that you “know them” and be amazed at how you seem to know when they wish to comment or discuss a comment.

The meaning of your communication is the response you receive

Language is a powerful tool and you need to ensure that you use it carefully. When you communicate you need to ensure that you are clear in what you are saying not only verbally but also physically. You may make a comment to a co-worker and they may take it in a different manner than it was meant. For example a co-worker does a great job resolving a problem for you. You say to them that was well done, however the manner you say it may be in an informal manner. The other person may interpret what you have said as being flippant and perhaps not sincere. Since each person has their own map they also interpret what is said differently. This can result in different people reading into situations correctly. Therefore you must always be clear on what you mean and how you say it.

It is also wise not to read into what is said to you. Take it at face value. What can happen is someone says something to you and you place your map onto it and begin to read into it and take a wrong meaning from it. This often happens in relationships. One comment is misinterpreted and this causes a argument, things are said that are not meant or are taken the wrong way

Application to Business

Remember that everyone has a different map of the world that we have. This is also true when it comes to communication. Picture the following situation. Your boss says “Tom can you come into my office I need to discuss something with you” Your boss simply wants to discuss an idea with you, however, you may read into the situation and think that you are in trouble as perhaps the report you submitted was not up to the usual standard. You then begin to formulate what you are going to say to your boss to defend yourself. What does she know about what you do? Heck you’ve been longer here than she has. By the time you go into the meeting you are on the defensive when in fact there is no need to be! Have you been in one of those situations.

People make the best choice available

NLP believes that people make the best choices available to them in any particular situation. Although the choice they may not have been the best choice in your opinion. The person who made the choice believes it was the right one.

NLP seeks to help people find more choices and therefore become more flexible in their behaviour, In later modules you will learn about how you operate and “work” as a person. Once you know how you operate you will become more flexible and have more choices at your disposable.

Application to Business

People within your team may not make the best choices, but at the time they made it they believed it was correct. For example a person may make a costly mistake, however they believed it was better to take a risk than to discuss the matter with a superior. The person believed that the only choice they had was to take the risk. Remember the person in question was also working from their “map” and personal history. Perhaps they don’t work well under pressure and this is their typical response. Given NLP training they could open up and see that they can change how they react or act under pressure.

People are not broken

Unlike therapy NLP believes that everyone works perfectly. Everyone is perfect they way they are however sometimes their behaviour can be improved or the way do things can be refined.

Application to Business

If someone within your team is not working the way they should perhaps it is the system that is broken for that person. The majority of the team may be able to work in a set way as directed by the company. The “broken” person may like to do things slightly differently. However if they can get the intended result then it may be better to let the individual work the way that works for them.

This can often be an issue in companies who are more concerned with the process of how things are done rather than seeing that the product and allowing each team member to achieve their target the best way that suits them.

Practice makes perfect

The more you practice a technique the better a person becomes at it. The more times you make decisions the better you become at decision making. The more times you try to look for more choices and more choices you will find.

Application to Business

The entrepreneur complains they are not good at cold calling. Therefore they try not to cold call. When they do cold call they don’t do it very well, therefore they stop cold calling, therefore they don’t get new customers.

A better choice is to keep cold calling but be aware and reflect on what is working and what is not. Then make another call and another and another. You will then become better at cold calling. If you don’t practice you will never improve

There is always choice

People often say they had not choice but to act they way they did. If we become more aware of what we are doing and what consequences it may have we will begin to realize that there is always choice. The choice is either to do something or not to do it. That in itself is a choice. The more choices you have the more freedom you gain.

Application to Business

Always look for another choice in every situation. Don’t accept only once choice as this reduces your freedom in a situation. For example in a business deal if you are not happy with the negotiations don’t close the deal because there is no other choice – look for another choice or walk away. You don’t want to make a choice that you will later regret.

Begin to look for more choices now.

There is no such thing as failure only feedback

Too many people see that when something goes wrong they have failed. They then decide I won’t do that again so I don’t fail. This is one way of looking at situations. The other way to look at it is to eliminate the word failure and replace it with the word feedback. Look at every situation and see what you can learn from it and then decide not to make the same mistake again. Once you see failure as feedback you will be stronger and make better decisions. Never give up, always learn from what might not have worked.

Application to Business

Thomas Edison is often quoted with regard to this presupposition. He had hundreds of failures before he invented the light bulb. Every time another light bulb did not work, he learnt from his mistake and got valuable feedback. From this he refined the invention. Luckily for us he did not give up.

He knew he would eventually run out of failures!

If one person can do something you can learn how to do it too

NLP believes that people use processes that get them to where they want to be. By following the processes somebody else has used you can also learn to do what they do. Very often we perceive we can not do something and we do not try to do it.

How many stories have you heard of people overcoming all odds to achieve something they wanted. In a later module you will learn about modelling. This is looking at how a person thinks and acts and then emulating them. This was done very successfully by the founders of NLP Richard Bandler and John Grinder more of which you will learn.

Application to Business

If a sales person wants to learn how to be like the top sales person in the company they would be well advised to study how they structure their sales pitch, how they talk to the customer how they dress and how they act.

If you want to be the best in an industry you need to model the person who is at the top.

Richard Butler is a trained Practioner of NLP and Life and Business Coach. He is previewing his new NLP e-course at http://www.richardbutlerthesuccesscoach.com/nlp.htm. He is available for web coaching.

Do You Believe You Can Stop Eating?

Think about your belief in your ability to break this simple habit. The habit of eating when you’re not hungry. The habit of needing to feel stuffed to be satisfied. You can break the pattern, even if you don’t believe you can. It happens when you first simply stop eating a little sooner. You may still have over eaten, but your level of stuffed can be qualified, and you know when you’ve had enough, too much, or way too much. Start by learning to leave one bite on your plate. (Even a smear counts, whatever it takes to leave a teeny bit, it’s a start).

I know, that idea may seem radical, but it’s a great way to discover how you’ve eaten everything on your plate because it’s a habit to do so. Even if you only leave one pea, leave something on your plate. Secondly, just because there is more on the serving plate, don’t think you need to take more food. Wait a few minutes. Settle in. Get comfortable with the feeling of satisfaction. Get in touch with your hunger levels.

Do You Recognize Hunger Signals

I remember learning to recognize my hunger levels and the shock (and dismay) when I’d realize I’d had enough but half my food was still on my plate. I learned to ask for a doggy bag, take it home and eat in the next day. I learned to sometimes fix myself less food. I learned half a sandwich is sometimes enough. I learned a piece of fruit can satisfy my greatest hunger, for now, while I wait for dinner to cook. I learned, and so will you, when you just start to pay attention.

You can still have it all, but maybe you’ll eat half now and half later, and that’s okay.

Small Shifts Equal Big Change

Small shifts in your beliefs about what you can accomplish may take a bit of time, but when you do make the shift it will seem sudden and it will be permanent. Ask anyone who’s lost a lot of weight and kept it off, and they’ll tell you, “I don’t know, something just suddenly clic.ked.” You can experience this sudden shift too.

Start today by noticing how much food you’re being offered when you aren’t hungry. Can you take some and save it for later? Just because the holidays are here is not an excuse to eat everything in sight. Thinking you’ll start your diet in January is a cop-out. Why put it off until then? Why not get started right now?

Get more in tune with what you do day-to-day and you can let go of the fear of either suffering through another diet or gaining more weight, or losing it and then regaining it. You don’t have to choose between stuffing or starving. You can learn to eat good food, enjoy it more, and melt into the shape you truly are meant to be.

~~ Kathryn Martyn, Master NLP Practitioner, EFT counselor, Weight Loss Coach and owner of One More Bite Weight Loss is the author of “Changing Beliefs, Your First Step to Permanent Weight Loss.”

Learn to use Kathryn’s One More Bite Approach with The Daily Bites: Mini lessons in using EFT for weight loss http://www.OneMoreBite-WeightLoss.com/getnews.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kathryn_Martyn,_M.NLP

By: Vincent Gray

As you probably know, the more real you make your visualizations the more power they have and the sooner they manifest in your life.

If you have seen The Secret, (if not go get it as soon as possible and watch it) you will remember the scene where you are asked to look at your hands then visualize those hands around the steering wheel of your new car.

For me this was one of the most realistic and powerful visualization exercises I have ever done. Helped a lot by the sound of the cars engine in the movie.

It got me thinking to seminar I had been on where the trainer asked us to take something physical in our hands. In this case it was a rock. Look at the item and study it in great detail. Take 2/3 minutes studying the rock. It can be a chain or anything you choose, however make sure its the same item you use every time.

After 2/3 minutes of studying the rock. Close your eyes and visualize your goal. See it in great detail, hear the sounds, feel the feelings of having achieved it. Make it as real as possible so that you are certain it will manifest in your life.

Now to supercharge the reality of this visualization. See the rock you were studying in the visualization. See it in your hand in your visualization.

And since you have been studying it for 3 minutes you know exactly what it should look like. In fact your are still holding the rock in your hand in reality as well as in the visualization. This is the link between the real and the imagined.

By holding the rock and seeing the rock in your hand in the visualization – you are making the visualization so real you can touch it (in fact your are touching the rock)

Now let that feeling of reality spread out to the rest of the visualization and see how much more powerful real it feels.

Until the next time.

Do you want to find out the best visualization tool I have found. It uses all your senses, reminds you when to visualize and is absolutely amazing. Go to http://www.dream-manifesto.com now!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vincent_Gray

By: Arman Darini, Ph.D.

All right, good to be talking with you again. Today we’ll take a deep dive inside THE single most important ability you have as a human being. If you are poor in this area, then… well, it’s rough to be you. And if you excel at it, then the whole world is at your fingertips. However, even if you excel at it, I know that you are not nearly as good as you can be. How come I know?

Because all of us without exception (ok, maybe there are a few extraordinary individuals out there) were NOT taught this ability. We picked it up at random in the childhood, by watching adults, who in their turn picked it up at random in their childhood, ad infinum. Somewhere at the beginning of this great ancestral chain is a not-so-smart monkey, if you catch my drift.
So you have more chances of winning a lottery – twice, than being really good at it right now. But, I *know* from years of training experience, that you CAN become *amazingly* good at it. With results so far reaching and important for your life, that your grand grandma will wake up and hug me for teaching you this skill.

“Enough of pulling my leg. WHAT IS IT?”

*Drum roll* Decisions, decisions, decisions. How well (or how badly) you make decisions. Not any specific decision, but how good is your *process* of deciding. Bet you never even thought about that!

During the last 100 years, psychologists have studied how people make decisions. How great generals do it, how Olympic champions do it, how house moms with ten kids do it, how lonely priests do it. The results are inspiring.

They (psychologists) have figured out the structure of extraordinary decision making AND the most common psychological traps all of us fall into. I will talk about some of the most frequent traps that your mind stumbles in (trust us, it does – hundreds of experiments have verified this) in the next article. Today we are taking a closer look at the structure of extraordinary decision making.

The structure is the sequence of steps you must follow to get the result you want. If you skip or change the steps, you get different results. If you mess up excellent decision making steps, you get messed up results. Of course, once you become an excellent decision maker, you can be more creative with the steps, but until then it pays to follow what those people do who are already amazing at it.

There are three steps to extraordinary decision making:
1) Frame the problem.
2) Collect information.
3) Draw conclusions.

Let’s look at each of these steps in detail.

First, you frame the problem by asking a specific question that you want answered: Do I want Chinese or Italian today? How do I double my salary? Where can I find the love of my life? That question forms the frame for the decision, because it highlights some aspects of the problem while pushing others into the shadow. EVERY question that you can possibly ask will focus your attention on one thing and hide another thing. For example, I might have also liked to get some sushi, but that alternative is outside the frame. It might be just as easily possible to triple my salary, but that’s outside the frame. Maybe instead of searching for my love, it’s better to wait and have her find me, but that’s outside the frame as well.

The moment you frame the problem, you delete chunks of reality from the consideration. So be careful what you delete. Way too often the initial decision frame crops the best alternatives out. Examine a few decisions you made recently – how much time did you spend on framing the problem? It should be 5-20% of the total decision making time.

Second, you collect information that you don’t already know. And this is key. What you think you don’t know and what you actually don’t know are light years apart. Time and time again, experiments have confirmed that we are GROSSLY overconfident in our knowledge (we don’t have the time or the inclination to do it here, but at our trainings we demonstrate that fact to you beyond any doubt – it’s highly worth having this etched into your mind).

The single best strategy to avoid overconfidence (let’s not confuse confidence with competence here) is to ask disconfirming questions. You are probably used to asking questions that confirm your intuitions and beliefs. You need to do just the opposite – ask questions that disconfirm your opinions. For example, suppose one of your alternatives for doubling the salary is to get a second job. A confirming question would be: “How will getting a second job double my salary?” A disconfirming question would be: ‘How can getting a second job fail to double my salary?” Think of it as playing the devil’s advocate with your decision alternatives. Only then you can make sure you have got solid, high quality information essential for extraordinary decision making.

Third, you take all the information and the decision objectives, and make the best conclusion. How you come to the conclusion is important. Some people flip coins, others hesitate until they grow so frustrated they latch onto the first conclusion they see. Yet others trust their intuition, and a few even apply linear models (weighing pros and cons). None of these is the best all the time, each has its own uses. I personally would flip a coin to decide on the restaurant, weigh pros and cons to triple my salary, and trust my intuition to find the love of my life (don’t try this last one yet – intuition CAN be an incredible tool, but you have to develop it first, lest it gets confused with inner chat). What’s important is that you are aware of the method you use to draw conclusions, and know when to use it and when to switch to something more effective.

So there you have it, extraordinary decision making in a nutshell. Of course, to master it you need a few more details. And lots of practice, the opportunity for which, luckily, happens several hundred times a day.

You’ve just read TIP #84 FOR CREATING AN EXTRAORDINARY AND MEANINGFUL LIFE brought to you by Holographic University. To get the next Tip visit us at:

http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/magazinesignup.php?w=Tip84

May You Be Happy!
- Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Arman Darini, Ph.D. is the director of Holographic University, the author of weekly Tips for Creating an Extraordinary and Meaningful Life, and a certified international http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/nlpguide.php Trainer. As the leader of a dynamic team of Life Trainers and Coaches, Arman’s motto is “I don’t believe in your limitations”. To learn more about Arman, visit http://www.ArmanDarini.com

Article Source: http://www.articleonlinedirectory.com

By: Michelle Rowley
How to Be Happy -20 Tips That Really Work!
from Michelle Rowley, author of “Personal Growth Strategies”.

Tip 1 Have a positive attitude. One of the most significant, contributing factors to happiness is optimistic thinking. Although you won’t always have a choice in determining what goes on around you, you will always have a choice in determining how react to what goes on around you. This will largely determine the extent to which you are, or aren’t happy.

Tip 2 Make happiness a priority. If happiness is not at the top of your list then other things will take your focus. We become what we think about all day, so think, positive happy thoughts. It’s a choice, moment by moment.

Tip 3 Live your values. Be true to yourself. By living your life according to your values, you will develop an attitude of true acceptance of yourself. You will realize that you are fine the way you are. You may choose to make some changes in your life simply because you realize that you have greater potential than you have utilized so far.

Tip 4 Love Yourself. High self-esteem is crucial for a happy life. Healthy self-esteem means relying on what’s on the inside, rather than what’s happening in the outside world to make you happy. Self-esteem is the core of your power and all else stems from this.

Tip 5 Set goals for success. Give your mind a positive goal to focus on. Just like in any other life area, the successful pursuit of happiness requires planning. Planning requires effective goal setting. And don’t forget to make sure your goals are SMART (specific,measurable, achievable, relevant and timed).

Tip 6 Do things that make you happy. Although this sounds obvious, many people simply forget to do things from which they gain pleasure. And do them as often as possible.

Tip 7 Live in the present moment. Remember that life is finite. The author, Henry Miller once said “Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. ”The only moment in which we can truly be happy is the present moment. The only moment over which we have control is the present moment. So be happy now! Because if not now, then when?

Tip 8 Have a laugh Laughing is one of the quickest ways to send our happiness levels soaring. A Stanford University study showed that one minute of laughter equaled 10 minutes on a rowing machine in terms of warding off stress.

Tip 9 Engage in random acts of kindness. Did you know that by simply being kind to another person or witnessing a kind act boosts your serotonin levels in you and the other person? It also increases the levels in another person witnessing the act. Happy people are more generous and altruistic.

Tip 10 Eat your way to happiness. Fuel up on fish: Fish are high in omega-3s which boost your happiness. Eat complex carbohydrates – this means wholegrain bread, starchy vegetables, beans and pulses, and wholegrain cereals. MIT scientists say these boost the brain’s levels of serotonin, which plays a big role in how happy we feel. Take Tryptophan. Found in turkey, avocados and bananas, tryptophan promotes the production of serotonin. A study published in the journal Brain, Behavior and Immunity found a lack of tryptophan can lower your mood levels. Don’t forget to take a good amino acid supplement- more and more information is coming out that we need to be supplementing our diets with the building blocks of protein- amino-acids.

Tip 11 Go, go and keep going all the way. We all face obstacles and problems at times. Happy people expect this and adapt to them. All of the components outlined above are skills that can be learned. Just like any other skills, you’ll get better at utilizing these strategies with practice and perseverance. Stick at it and happiness will be yours.

Tip 12 Focus on your strengths, not weaknesses. Work out what you’re good at and find ways to do it as much as possible. Happiness is not as much about fixing your faults and overcoming your weaknesses as it is about finding ways to focus your life on and around your talents and qualities.

Tip 13 Have fun and enjoy humor Take delight in life and create fun experiencesfor yourself. Don’t make life be too heavy!

Tip 14 Control what you can control. Cultivate the feeling that you are in control of your own destiny. Happiness can be enhanced by maximizing the control you have over your life. So learn and practice skills such as problem solving, time management and meditation and communication. At the same time, however, no one has complete control and so it is also important to be realistic and to accept that over which you have no control. Accept what youcan’t control. And learn to change problems into opportunities for growth and development.

Tip 15 Invest time and energy in to your key relationships. Happy people spend more time working on, and in, their relationships. Happy people tend to be more supportive of other people in their life.

Tip 16 When a problems arises see what you can learn from itEverything you do and every person you meet, in every situation, presents an opportunity to learn, change and grow. Every situation you find yourself in can be a great opportunity to expand yourself. There is always something to learn from a problem. This is the same for problems in a relationship. Look at problems as challenges to learn and grow from both for yourselves and your relationship.

Tip 17 Replace negative self talk with positive self talkThe Dalai Lama has been quoted saying that “The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.” Learn first to identify your negativethoughts and then begin to challenge those that are negative and unhelpful.

Tip 18 Ensure you get adequate sleep, rest, exercise and waterListen to your body and what it is telling you. You need to take care of yourself and this also involves getting plenty of rest, drinking at least 8 glasses of water each day and relaxation and/or meditation strategies. Exercise regularly. Exercising produces endorphins or “happy” hormones.

Tip 19 Develop a sense of life purpose. Developing a sense of life purpose will also markedly increase your chances of experiencing true happiness. As well as working out where you want to get to, make sure you have a good reason for why you’re trying to go there.

Tip 20 Be grateful and appreciate what you have. We all have many choices in life, one of which is whether to focus on all the things we don’t have (of which theremight be many), or to focus on all the things we do have. There’s no doubt, that gratitude and appreciation will significantly increase your chances of experiencing happiness

Many of the tips listed here are described in more detail in the ebook,Personal Growth Strategies http://www.personal-growth-strategies.com/

About the Author

Michelle Rowley is a Master Practitioner of NLP, Timeline Therapy™ and Hypnotherapy and is certified by their respective American Boards. She is the author of Personal Growth Strategies. http://www.personal-growth-strategies.com

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By: Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Good to be connecting with you again. Our topic for today is common and deadly decision traps, and how to avoid them. Recall that in the previous article we spoke about the structure of extraordinary decision making, and I explained the steps you have to follow to make excellent outcomes happen. As you follow the steps, it’s important to watch out for a handful of places where most people consistently make mistakes. I will point out two of them today, explain how to sidestep each one and top it off with a simple way to turn hesitation into decisiveness. Your job, of course, is to be honest with yourself, notice what you need to work on, and learn how to improve your decision muscle.

FIRST TRAP of plunging in:

Ok, the first major trap happens even before the deciding starts. It’s the trap of plunging in headfirst into the deciding without pausing to answer one critical question: What’s the essence of the problem?

Let’s take our decision example from last week: “How do I double my salary?” If you jump in to answer this question without thinking, you might answer the wrong question altogether. Ask yourself first: “What’s the essence of the problem?” Are you even seeing the different possibilities? Consider these and notice just how much they differ:
- You need to make more money.
- You want to feel that your work is valued appropriately.
- You are looking for another challenge.
- Your spouse is beating you over the head demanding that you earn more.
- You want to bolster your self-esteem.

Do you see how each of these completely changes the underlying decision, and will necessarily lead to different alternatives and outcomes? For example, if you are looking for another challenge, then you won’t take up the job washing dishes in a restaurant. If, on the other hand, it’s about your self-esteem, then the simplest solution might be invest in a couple of hours of NLP coaching to quickly improve your self-esteem that way.

If you are not aware of the essence of the problem, then you will randomly pick one and it’s often the wrong one. Just think how many times have you thought you really wanted something, went out and bought it, and a few days later felt as dissatisfied as your were before the purchase. You’ve been solving the wrong problem!

SECOND TRAP of frame blindness:

The second major decision trap is frame blindness. Recall from the last newsletter that framing the decision happens in languaging the question that you pose. Framing is inevitable, and it brings some aspects of the problem into the focus, while pushing others into the background.

One subtle and influential frame effect is hidden inside the unspoken beliefs you have about what is possible. These beliefs form the boundaries of your map of the world. If you don’t believe it is possible to triple your salary, then your decision frame will exclude this alternative. If you believe that it is hard to find someone who will love you wholeheartedly, then you will refuse to consider the easy opportunities to meeting such person.

Your beliefs frame your reality. And you know what? Most of them are arbitrary. What’s even worse, most of the beliefs you’ve got were installed into your mind without your awareness by your well-meaning family, friends, school, and culture. Unfortunately well-meaning is not the same as wise. All this happened when you were a small child and quite gullible. If we laid out your beliefs on a flat table in front of your eyes and you examined them right now, you would find many of them silly, outdated and false.

So, how can you avoid this trap of unspoken beliefs? Whenever you pose a decision question, ask yourself: “What will always remain true in any answer to this question?” Take, for instance, the decision: “How do I double my salary?” Regardless of the answer, you will be looking for ways to increase the salary and not to save the money. And you will be looking for a job where someone pays you a salary. Once the beliefs presupposed by the question become clear, choose whether you want to expand the frame or leave it as it is. (As an exercise, count all the unspoken beliefs inside the “Where can I find the love of my life?” decision.)

All right, enough about traps. You’ve listened attentively, you’ve learned well, you followed the extraordinary decision making steps and you carefully avoided the traps. Now is finally the right time to make the decision and take the first action. BUT, what’s that? What are those unbidden questions in your mind: “Have I really thought this through?” “Is there something I haven’t considered?” “What else could I do?”

Stalling. Hesitating. Feeling afraid of closing the doors on other opportunities. Because by making the decision you commit to one path and close off all the others. If you are of the kind that likes to keep her options open, then deciding means trouble.

Oh-oh. What to do? Well, if I was your coach working with you 1 on 1, then there are a few hundred of different possibilities we could explore to find the right solution for you. But, not having this luxury, here is a cookie cutter approach that often works right out of the box. Ask yourself: “How many opportunities am I missing right now by deciding to become rigid with hesitation?” Most people rarely consider the cost of not making the decision right away, and so rarely feel the urgency. This question moves you beyond hesitation into action. And, as you well know, decisions are lifeless until you take the first step. NOW.

You’ve just read TIP #85 FOR CREATING AN EXTRAORDINARY AND MEANINGFUL LIFE brought to you by Holographic University. To get the next Tip visit us at:

http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/magazinesignup.php?w=Tip85

May You Be Happy!
- Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Arman Darini, Ph.D. is the director of Holographic University, the author of weekly Tips for Creating an Extraordinary and Meaningful Life, and a certified international http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/nlpguide.php Trainer. As the leader of a dynamic team of Life Trainers and Coaches, Arman’s motto is “I don’t believe in your limitations”. To learn more about Arman, visit http://www.ArmanDarini.com

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by Kris Hallbom

The whole notion of cause and effect has made healing for people in Western society more difficult than it needs to be. It would be much easier for people to heal if everyone in the world took a systemic approach towards health and well being. The whole nature of systemic thinking is about the laws that govern systems, the relationships, between the systems, outside of systems and the boundaries that separate the systems. Many of today’s physicians operate, with good intention, under the constraints of linear thought when they are trying to help a patient get better. They would be much better off is they thought systemically.

Systemic Thinking versus Linear Thought

Instead of focusing solely on the “cause and effects” of the client’s disease or health condition, physician’s taking a systemic perspective might focus more closely on the systemic factors revolving around the client’s condition such as their living and working environments; their relationships with the people around them; and their relationship with their self physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

The first and most important step on the path of healing, when taking a systemic approach is to have the client or patient clearly imagine how he would like to be in his desired state of health and well being. Setting an outcome will facilitate the change process because of the brain’s ability to function as a cybernetic mechanism. This means that once the client or patient is clear on his outcome, the brain’s natural response will be to organize itself towards whatever images or beliefs he has created in his mind about getting better. The client will begin to automatically get self corrective feedback and the brain will systematically trigger the necessary immunological responses to guide him towards the goal of health and well-being.(1)

According to NLP developer Robert Dilts, systemic models are different from statistical or linear models in that they deal with the feedback of total systems, systems in which events at any position in the system may be expected to have effect at all positions on the system at later times. A particular cause or effect cannot be isolated from its context. Therefore, each part must be considered and measured in terms of the whole. Human behavior, health conditions and experiences in general are undoubtedly the result of such a system. Therefore, any satisfactory model of human experience, behavioral, physiological or epistemological, must be systemic.(2)

Greek philosophers first turned their attention to linear thought in the 5th Century B.C. Since then, it has been almost universally accepted that everything that has a beginning must be caused by something else. The Scottish philosopher David Hume disagreed with the early Greeks. Hume held the idea that the causal relationship between two events occurring in sequence is nothing more than a habit of mind. In 1739, he wrote A Treatise of Human Nature which is an analytical rejection of the commonly established ideas of causation. Hume rejected the idea that everything that has a beginning must be caused by something else.

“All we can justly say of causality is that what we take to be a cause always precedes what we take to be its effect and that there is always contiguity between the two. Beyond this nothing an be claimed,” said Hume.(3)

Established ideas of causality among evolutionary biologists support Hume’s analytical rejection. For example, how can we describe the evolution of the reptilian egg in terms of cause and effect? According to evolutionary theory, the reptilian egg is the result of the random mutations. Numerous events must have occurred for the development of the reptilian egg to succeed. Between the mutations that produced the eggshell and those that produced the embryos heart, there could be no causal connection; all of these events occurred randomly. And if there were no such connections, then how was the whole process orchestrated? From this point of view, the reptilian egg appears as the result of a culmination of improbably and random coincidences. Hence, the most logical answer to the primordial egg dilemma is to view it through the lenses of systemic thinking.

The point of all of this is to note the difference between systemic thinking versus linear though; which is geared more towards the concept of cause and effect. Keep in mind that we are a system of interactions and we are also a system within a system within a system. The interactions that happen within a human being, between human beings and their environment are systemic and respond to certain systemic principles. Our bodies, our interpersonal relationships and our societies form a kind of ecology of systems and subsystems, all of which are mutually influencing each other.(4)

The interactionary process between all of these systems plays a key role in our personal health and well being. In the following sections, the interactionary process between mind and body will be further explored.

How Do Mind Maps Effect the Body?

One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that the map is not the territory. Everyone on this planet has their own personal filters of reality and thus, their own map of reality. The filters that we wear through life influence our personal map of reality. Everyday we trek through similar territories, but because we wear different filters and use different maps, those territories appear different.

As human beings, we can never know reality because we have to experience reality through our five senses, and our senses are limited. Therefore, we don’t tend to respond to reality itself, but rather to our own maps of reality. We all have our own worldview and that view is based upon the sort of neurolinguistic maps that we have formed. It’s these neurolinguistic maps that will determine how we interpret and how we react to the world around us and give meaning to our behaviors and our experiences, more so than reality itself. Thus, its’ generally not external reality that limits us or constrains us or empower us, but it’s rather our maps of that reality.(5)

One of the primary constituents of our personal maps of reality is that of imprints. An imprint is basically a memory that is formed at an early age, and can serve as a root for both the limiting and empowering beliefs that we may form as children. Some of the limiting beliefs that we may develop at these early ages are not always healthy, and are created as a result of a traumatic or confusing experience that we forgot. How we unconsciously and consciously view the world in terms of health is generally based on those beliefs.

Having an imprint laced with unhealthy beliefs can create serious problems for the immune system. Keep in mind that the brain is systemic, meaning that if you’re creating unhealthy beliefs in your life based on unconscious imprints, the brain will attempt to self correct those images or beliefs in the form of an immunological response. Even if the limiting beliefs are repressed or forgotten, the brain is still capable of serving as a catalyst for undesirable health conditions because of its systemic capabilities.

Many unhealthy immunological responses are the result of limiting beliefs that were created through confusion or traumatic experiences. These types of limiting beliefs contain two aspects and those aspects exist within the imprint or memory. One aspect is the way you perceived the trauma/confusion as a child, the memory or feelings of the younger you still exist inside the imprint.

The other aspect that we incorporate when we experience a trauma as a child is the point of view of the other people who were there at the time of the event. Some of those people might include family members, teachers or friends. It is during the formation of these early imprints that the limiting beliefs are formed. These limiting beliefs are capable of systemically manifesting in the form of a disease or ailment in later years.(6)

How Do Beliefs Effect the Territory?

The notion of beliefs and health is a concept that goes hand in hand with maps and territory. If the mind is the map and the body is the territory, then the unconscious and conscious beliefs that we have about our personal health are going to effect us systemically; as well as throughout the neurological levels of change (i.e. environment, behavior, capabilities, beliefs and values, identity and even spiritually to a certain extent).(7)

Unresourceful physical manifestations and psychosomatic problems, which are generally based on beliefs, are made apparent through the interactions of the brain’s cerebral cortex, limbic system and hypothalamus in correlation with the autonomic, endocrine, immune and neuropeptide systems. And in the same breath, the ability to heal ourselves from such conditions by creating healthy beliefs in exchange for the old ones ? is also made apparent through the same cerebral interactions.(8)

At the center of all of this amazing activity is the hypothalamus which receives signals from all parts of the nervous system so that it functions as a central information exchange concerned with the well-being of the entire body.

The hypothalamus lies in the very middle of the limbic lobe. Although is a relatively small structure (comparable to the size of a pea and weighing no more than a few grams) it is an important structure. It controls the autonomic nervous system which is made up of the parasympathetic and sympathetic systems, creating physical excitatory and inhibitory responses within the body; and it controls the endocrine system and organizes behaviors that are related to the body’s basic regulatory and survival systems (hunger, thirst, fighting, fleeing and sex). The hypothalamus thus, integrates the sensory-perceptual, emotional, and cognitive functions of mind with the biology of the body.(9)

The most recently recognized regulatory function of the hypothalamus is its influence on the immune system. According to Earnest Rossi, author of The Psychobiology of MindBody Healing, there are actual psychophysiological mechanisms whereby the hypothalamus can alter both cellular and hormonal immune activity within the limbic system.(10)

Moreover, because the immune system is within the limbic lobe and the limbic lobe is basically the center for our emotional and cognitive functions; and certain emotions and beliefs are attached to various imprints within the unconscious mind, then it is possible to see and understand how we can become susceptible to unresourceful health conditions and diseases.

Rossi further states that the autonomic nervous system has been regarded traditionally as the major means by which therapeutic hypnosis is capable of achieving it’s biological effects.(11) If this is true, then it seems apparent that the autonomic nervous system would serve NLP interventions in the same way.

Based on all of the aforementioned information, it is only logical that if you change a person’s beliefs, then it is possible to change their physical state of being from an unresourceful state to that of health and well-being ? given that the new state is ecological throughout the systemic and neurological levels of change.

Using NLP to Create Systemic Change Within the Mind and Body

Neuro-Linguistic Programming can help a person through many of the roadblocks that keep them from healing themselves. One of the more common roadblocks for many people to overcome is their inability to believe in their own healing process. If someone believes that they aren’t going to get better, then they won’t take the necessary steps to get better.

In Robert Dilts’ book, Changing Belief Systems with NLP, he states that most people who have a difficult time recovering from an illness or condition usually adopt one of the following beliefs about their recovery process.
Hopelessness: If a person is hopeless he feels or believes an outcome is just not possible. A typical statement would be. There is no hope.

Helplessness: If a person is helpless he feels or believes that he does not have the capability of getting better. Some typical statements would be, I am not good enough, I don’t have the capability to heal myself. Healing is possible, but I’m not capable.

Worthlessness: If a person feels or believes he is worthless, then he thinks that he doesn’t deserve to heal. A typical statement would be, Maybe I don’t deserve to be healthy.(12)
When working with any limiting belief such as the ones mentioned above, the NLP Practitioner’s primary goal is to move the client from his present state of discomfort to the desired state of health and well being. This can be done by helping the client create appropriate beliefs for the way he’s chosen to heal from his condition. There are many NLP processes that can be used with the client to help him achieve his outcome.

Case Example

NLP trainers and co-authors Tim Hallbom and Suzi Smith used NLP methods to help a woman who had a cancerous thyroid. The woman had two biopsies and tested positive for cancer both times. Hallbom and Smith spent 4 hours working with her in two different sessions. When the woman went back to her doctor, he told her that the cancer on her thyroid seemed smaller than it did before, but that he wanted to go ahead and operate on her anyway because waiting could be dangerous. When he operated he found that it had, in fact, shrunk up and it was no longer malignant.(13)

During that 4-hour session, the NLP trainers did some reimprinting (14) with the client and they helped her to integrate some deep-rooted unconscious conflicts that she had within herself. They did this by assisting her to identify the positive goals and intentions behind her conflict.

One of the NLP presuppositions is that there is a positive intention behind every conflict, limiting belief or problem. This means that some aspect of the person is benefiting in a positive way from their limiting behavior, otherwise they would not be demonstrating the behavior.

(A classic example would be of the teenager who starts smoking to gain attention. Even though smoking isn’t positive or healthy, the mind might deem the attention that is gained form smoking as positive).

It was observed that the woman’s goals were in conflict. When there is a goal that is in conflict with another goal, you begin to fight yourself. One way of fighting yourself is by developing a disease such as cancer, according to Hallbom.

While working with the woman, Hallbom assisted her in re-identifying and integrating her goals. Once her goals were integrated, they were then able to assist her in moving towards her desired outcome of health and well being. Until you know what the positive aspect of the limiting beliefs or conflicts are, you can’t do that and that’s why NLP and systemic thinking are such valuable tools for helping people with health issues. (15)

References

1. Dilts, R., T. Hallbom and S. Smith, Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being, Portland, OR: Metamorphous Press, 1990.
2. Dilts, Robert, Roots of Neuro Linguistic Programming, Cupertino, CA: Meta Publications, 1983.
3. Hume, David, A Treatise of Human Nature, London, England: Longmans Green, 1874.
4. Based on an essay that Robert Dilts wrote on NLP Presuppositions and Creativity.
5. Ibid.
6. Hallbom, T. and K. Johnson Hallbom , Future Medicine Now, Beverly Hills, CA: The Holistic Book Project, 1993.
7. Robert Dilts is the primary developer of the Neurological Levels of Change.
8. Carlson, Neil, Physiology of Behavior, Newton, Mass: Allyn and Canon, Inc., 1986.
9. Rossi, Earnest, The Psychobiology of MindBody Healing, Makham, Ontario: Penguin Books Eanada, 1986.
10. Ibid.
11. Ibid.
12. Dilts, Robert, Changing Belief Systems with NLP, Cupertino, CA: Meta Publications, 1990.
13. Dilts, Hallbom, and Smith, Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well Being.
14. Reimprinting is an NLP process that was developed by Robert Dilts.
15. Hallbom, T. and K. Johnson Hallbom, Future Medicine Now.

Kris Hallbom is the co-director of the NLP Institute of California and is a professional writer. She is a long time student of NLP and Systemic thinking, and holds a degree in Psychology and Languages. ..She also does private consulting using these media.

By Kris Hallbom and Armand D’Alo

What stops people from succeeding financially and having abundance in their life? The answer is generally focused around the belief that financial success is not a possibility. Many people create various barriers that keep them from having abundance.

If you have limiting beliefs about money at an unconscious level, it will be difficult to move though financial limitations because your unconscious mind will hamper your efforts to succeed. This is why some people end up living from paycheck to paycheck their whole life – at some level they don’t believe that they’re capable of doing better.

Even though there is a positive intention behind their financial barriers, many people don’t recognize what those intentions are. Then there are those who know at some level what the positive intention is, yet they still don’t know how to get through obstacles.

At a conscious level, most people think they’re doing everything possible to achieve their goals. However, there still might be some unconscious part of them that doesn’t believe they can obtain success. The more a person avoids that unconscious part, the more obstacles will continue to show up in their every day life. That’s the way the mind works.

For example, think of the people you know who read all of the think and grow rich books, attend financial seminars, say daily affirmations, and still have money problems. All of these things that they’re doing are worthwhile, yet they often don’t get to the “core” of their issue which usually involves some type of limiting belief.

People have many different beliefs about money. Some of the more common ones are:

* You need money to make money.
* I don’t have enough money to plan with.
* It’s too late in my life, I don’t know what to do.
* If I invest, the market will go down for sure.
* Finances are too complicated.

These are all cause/effect beliefs, which really have little to do with achieving abundance. These type of beliefs limit people because they’re looking for the answers outside of themselves, when in reality, the keys to prosperity exist within themselves.
Abundance is not what a person has. It is a state of mind. Many people who succeed in life from a financial perspective often have positive beliefs about prosperity and abundance. When people understand and move from the realm of cause and effect to the idea of “What is possible?” in their world, they move to a whole different level of thinking, one which is more rewarding in the long run because they’re expanding their mental frames around money.

Instead of focusing on what is possible, many people spend a lot of time thinking about what they don’t have. An interesting pattern develops in which they become angry or resentful over their situation, which creates more limitations and barriers in their lives. It’s so much easier to get ahead in life when you’re coming from a peaceful state of mind, versus an angry or resentful frame of mind. The first step in helping a person is to explore the nature of their issue.

For example, the person may have had parents who lived in poverty and subsequently formed a “Depression era” mentality. Hence, they developed an unconscious belief that he/she will always have to struggle financially because that’s what their parents did. Or they might have had a parent tell them over and over again that they’ll never make it and eventually they began to believe it.

It’s very common for children to unconsciously form limiting beliefs around money at an early age. These types of limiting beliefs are referred to as “imprints” in NLP. An imprint is basically a memory that is formed at an early age, and can serve as a root for both the limiting and empowering beliefs that we may form as children.

Some of the beliefs that we may develop at early ages are not always healthy, and are created as a result of a traumatic or confusing experience that we have forgotten. How we unconsciously and consciously view the world in terms of money is generally based on such beliefs. (1)

Identifying your limiting beliefs is a critical first step. Once you’ve identified what some of those underlying imprints/beliefs are, you can use different NLP techniques to move through those obstacles, thus allowing you to see and experience all of the financial opportunities that are really available to you.

Beliefs About Possibility

The primary psychological difference between those who do well financially and those who don’t revolves around beliefs about possibility. For example, many people don’t even view financial success as an option. They don’t have the capability to open themselves up to all of the possibilities that are available for achieving abundance.

Often they’ll get stuck in a monthly routine and are unwilling to take risks or try something different because they’re afraid that they’ll end up being worse off than they already are. What these people don’t realize is that it’s common to have to take a step backward in order to move forward.

Many millionaires have gone bankrupt at some time in their life and then in a short time will completely turn their financial situation around for the better. Moreover, many people who start up their own businesses often lose money in the beginning. However, they do this, trusting that their new business will expand to a point where they’re earning a nice salary while collecting a tidy profit.

Not everyone has to take risks or step backwards to get ahead, though it’s important to consciously open yourself up to the idea of what is possible for you. In order to embrace this idea, you must first have the ability to change your daily routine by doing something different. This includes learning how to view your world through the eyes of prosperity and abundance, instead of lack and poverty.

Try this on for a moment:

1. Think about something that you want and all of the possibilities that you have in achieving it. Ask yourself, “What is possible?”

Now try something different.

2. Think of something that you don’t have, but that you’d like to have. Think about why you don’t have it and how you wish you could have it.

Notice which one of those makes you feel better.

* Hopefully, the first statement made you feel better because it was designed to expand your unconscious and conscious frames around prosperity and abundance. It’s amazing what can happen to a person once they change their attitude and beliefs about possibility. Once people will begin to start seeing results almost instantaneously. The shifts may be small at first, but as they continue to embrace their new way of thinking, a lot of magic opens up for them.

For example, many years ago a number of Vietnamese “boat people” immigrated into the United States. Many Americans were concerned about the strain that would be created on welfare and other government services as a result of these people coming into the country. Interestingly, many of the Vietnamese who went into business for themselves ended up doing extremely well. Why is that?

An obvious answer might have to do with the Vietnamese people came from a country where if they said the wrong thing, they would get shot. Then they came to the United States where the worst thing that could happen was that someone would call them on the phone and harass them because they didn’t pay a bill.

If you come from a world where death is a moment to moment reality to a place where options are endless, then there is no reason not to try everything. Instead of being angry or bitter about having to leave their country, they were grateful to be alive. Instead of sulking in self-pity, many of them adopted a creative attitude that revolved around the question, “What is possible?”

Consequently, when they moved here, two or three Vietnamese families would live in a confined space. They went out and got minimum wage jobs and pooled all of their money together. When they got enough money, they would by a business and the whole family would start working at the business. Once the business became fairly successful, they would buy a piece of real estate. Then they would buy more real estate, and so on.

For these Vietnamese, success was an affirmation of what is possible, because everything was possible to them. They were willing to suffer for awhile to reach their long-term goal of abundance and prosperity. It was simply a matter of their levels of priorities and how they categorized the different possibilities. People can do anything they want. The question is: what are they willing to do to get to their possible outcome?

Patience is a Virtue

It’s fairly standard for most people in Germany to save their money before making a big purchase and to pay in full at the time of the purchase. In Germany, the only debt that most people have is their mortgage and what they owe on their car. In other countries, it’s common for people to abuse their charge cards, and to be deeply in debt beyond the traditional house and car payment.

Many Germans take joy in saving up for something special, because they look forward to the reward of getting what they want. As soon as they have that reward, they immediately begin to save again for their next big item or travel adventure.

It’s interesting that Germans have the ability to delay the instant gratification that a charge card can bring. They look forward with anticipation and excitement towards the day that they can have what they want. They don’t regret for one minute that they have to set aside money to meet their next goal. Instead they focus on how thankful they are for what they have, and patiently look forward to getting what they want.

The ability to delay gratification is a masterful skill, a triumph of the reasoning brain over the impulsive one, according to Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., who wrote the book, Emotional Intelligence (Bantam Books; 1995). The author concludes that people, who are able to exercise patience by delaying gratification, are more likely to succeed in life.

Goleman documents a study that took place in the 1960′s in which a researcher invites children into a plain room one by one and gives each young child a marshmallow. “You can have this marshmallow right now,” he says, “but if you wait while I step out for a moment, you can have two marshmallows when I get back.” And then he leaves.

Apparently, some of the children grabbed for the marshmallow right way and some waited a few minutes before they finally caved into their temptation. But others were determined to wait. They covered their eyes, sang to themselves, put their heads down, played games or even fell asleep. They did whatever it took to hold out. When the researcher returned, he gave them their hard-earned second marshmallow.

A survey of the children’s parents and teachers found that those who, as four-year olds, had the ability to hold out for the second marshmallow generally grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable teenagers. (2)

According to Goleman, the evidence is conclusive that patience seems to play a major role in the success of many people. The ability to resist your impulses can be developed through practice.

When you’re faced with an immediate temptation such as spending money on something that you don’t really need, remind yourself of your long-term financial goals. Reframe your current financial situation by realizing that you’re really saving for an abundant future. (3)

If people are willing to suffer a little by spending less so that they can later invest their savings, then they are well on their way to achieving prosperity.

Abundance is a State of Mind

Often people will confuse who they are with how much money they make. Whether someone makes a million dollars a year or $15,000 a year, everyone still has the capability to achieve a certain degree of abundance in their life.

For example, when the Nazi’s took over in Germany, there were very many wealthy people in the society who had their lives ripped away from them and they ended up in concentration camps. Viktor E. Frankle or Anne Frank were in situations of the worst poverty, yet they actually had an abundant life.

In Man’s Search for Meaning, author Viktor E. Frankle said that the one thing that a person has that can never be taken away from them is their attitude.

# “We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man, but one thing: The last of his freedoms˜To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Frankle, a psychologist, adopted a creative attitude that helped him survive the nightmare of living in a concentration camp. He was able to manifest internal abundance by exercising his right to do so. This same attitude led him on a path towards achieving and living a prosperous life once he got out.

Prosperity, Abundance and Self Worth

When it comes to thinking about prosperity, it’s helpful to understand that it’s a resource that flows through us. We are a conduit for abundance. Once this is realized, then we start to identify the fact that we’re the ones that choose how to channel this resource. Viktor Frankle made this distinction in the concentration camps. Every single one of his material possessions were stripped away from him, including his shoes. The only thing he had left, was the ability to believe in himself and to embrace the idea that he was still a good person, despite the fact that everything had been taken away from him.

This is an important distinction to make, because then having money is no longer a question of self-worth. Money doesn’t determine who you are; it’s simply a resource. Having a strong inner sense of self is what is truly important. Money is merely an external element. Once people stop equating their self-worth with money, then the doors of possibility swing open for them because they’re willing to try more things. Since they feel better about themselves, they become less fearful and are open to trying something completely different.

It’s a matter of saying to yourself, “Here is the outcome I want and there are several ways of achieving it. Several possibilities. If something doesn’t work, then I’ll try something else.”

And if the next thing doesn’t work out, then it’s simply feedback that you need to try something else. It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure or a terrible person. It simply means that there is something out there that will eventually work and that something is outside of you. You’re still the same person on the inside.

Measuring one’s self-worth by how much money one has can be devastating. For example, here was a woman who had 17 million dollars set aside for her in a trust fund by her parents. It would pay out at least $800,000 a year in interest as long as she was breathing. This person found her identity and self worth in the lifestyle that she lived and how much she owned. During one shopping spree, she spent $18,000 in the lingerie section of her local department store.

Most of the actions that she took when it came to spending large sums of money were the result of comparing herself to her sister. The sister was in the same situation; she also had a trust fund that paid out a lot in interest. However, the sister never looked at money as an aspect of her identity. She never determined her self-worth by how much she had.

All it meant to her was that she had something to fall back on if there was ever a problem. She married and started several businesses with her husband. They became extremely successful in their own right and it turned out that after many years, the income from her trust was relatively small compared to the income generated from the businesses they had developed.

Interestingly, the woman who based her identity and self-worth on her pocketbook spent large sums of money to keep up with her sister. She eventually went bankrupt. This is an extreme example of someone who measures their self worth on how much money they have.

The woman’s situation became even more complicated when she started comparing herself with her sister, which is also a statement about her self-worth. It’s common for a person to compare their financial status with someone else and, sadly, this is the root of much of the emotional pain that people carry. People have a tendency to compare themselves with their friends, coworkers, family members and so on.

When people compare themselves with someone, what they’re actually doing is making a judgment about themselves and the other person. At some level they’re basing their identity and self worth on external elements.

When someone decides to compare and judge less often, they’ll begin to notice amazing shifts in their life because they’ll be viewing life from the inside looking out. They’ll be internally referenced, which will enhance their self worth and identity because they’ll be determining who they are from their own heart. They’ll no longer give other people the opportunity to determine who they are, because they’ll already know themselves at a very deep and spiritual level.

When a person compares themselves with another, there is a positive intention behind their behavior, even though the behavior may appear to be less than resourceful. As they start to understand those positive intentions˜and often they revolve around self-worth and identity˜they’ll begin to heal the unconscious wound that is holding them back from achieving prosperity and abundance. Again, this is where limiting beliefs and imprints come into play.

A person’s identity is not something that magically happens all of a sudden. It’s something that a person builds over time. They have an experience and they interpret this experience in their brain. They take that interpretation, give it some level of criteria and store it away. And at some level they say, “I am based on this experience. They have other experiences, stacking one on top of another. Many people tend to sort for the negatives and delete the positives. Over time people begin purposely stacking one direction and deleting everything else. We are creatures of deletion. The positive intention behind sorting for the negative is to protect the person from ever having another negative experience.

Eventually, people forget to also sort for the positive. They need to learn to take in all of their positive experiences to maintain that balance. When a person brings in all the positive elements of an experience and moves the negative parts outside themselves, they begin to realize that the negative information isn’t really about them. This makes it easier to hang on to all of the positive aspects of the situation, and integrate them while releasing the negative.

Releasing the negative aspects of a situation, while integrating the positives will change a person’s financial situation over time in a dramatic way because they’ll begin to develop a deeper sense of self-worth. Instead of basing their worth on external elements like a paycheck, they develop a strong inner sense of self-worth which gives them the courage to try new things˜thus expanding their opportunities.

For example, there was a janitor who made only about $1,800 a month. After doing some beliefs work with NLP and financial planning, he decided to start his own business. He began by saving money and then he bought all the supplies that he needed. He took a new cleaning contract on the side and hired somebody to staff the contract. He then got another contract and hired somebody else to help him out. After a period of time he decided to quit his janitor job and started his own cleaning company. He eventually realized a tremendous increase in his monthly salary and had a sense of freedom that he had never experienced before.

He was still ding janitorial work. What changed was his self-worth. Instead of thinking, “Oh, I’m just a janitor, I can’t do anything else; I’m not smart enough,” he began thinking, “What is possible?” Everybody needs someone to come in and clean. Homes need it, schools need it. They’re hiring me to do it, why don’t I just get on the other side of the fence and start up my own business.

That’s how you open up possibilities. It starts with a dream. Then it’s a matter of turning that dream blueprint into reality. As a person begins to embrace their own self worth and open themselves up to the idea of what is possible, they’ll attract abundance and prosperity into their life. The outer world is a reflection of our inner world. If someone is feeling good on the inside, generally it will show on the outside and they’ll draw positive experiences into their life. That’s the way life works.

References:

1. Hallbom, T. and K. Johnson, Alternative Medicine: The Definitive Guide, (Beverly Hills, CA: The Holistic Book Project, 1993) Neuro-Linguistic Programming, p. 382.
2. Nancy Gibbs, Time Magazine, (Time, Inc., Principal Office, Oct. 2, 1995) Vol. 146: No. 14. The EQ Factor, pp. 60-69. Information in the article is based on the book written by Harvard psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., Emotional Intelligence (Bantam, 1995).
3. Daniel Goleman, Reader’s Digest, (The Readers Digest Association, Jan. 1995). What is your Emotional IQ? Pp. 49-52. Condensed from Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.

Originally Published in Anchorpoint Magazine, February, 1996; reprinted with permission.

Kris Hallbom is a free lance journalist and has been writing professionally for 15 years. She is the co-director of the NLP Institute of California and has a degree in Psychology and Languages. She is also an NLP Master Practitioner. Armand D’Alo is the founder of Oaktree Advisory Services, Inc., a financial consulting firm in the Los Angeles area. He is also an NLP Master Practitioner that has been doing financial planning and consulting since 1979.

Kris can be contacted here: Kris Hallbom

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By Steve Andreas
His website: http://www.steveandreas.com/ His new book: Here

One powerful aspect of NLP is to discover what kind of internal experience is elicited by the use of specific language. This enables us to use language in a very directed way in order to get the results that we want. Often the careful examination of a single word yields great dividends, and the word “but” is certainly one of them.

“But” is a negator (Fritz Perls used to call it a “killer”) of whatever experience immediately precedes the word. For me, the image preceding the word “but” quickly slides to my left, disappearing out of my field of internal vision. So “but” is very useful any time you want to (or have to) mention something to someone, but then you want it to diminish in importance or even disappear from their awareness altogether.

Notice what happens in your internal experience when you take any two contents, connect them with “but,” and then repeat this, but reversing the two contents. A tired old joke illustrates this nicely. The mother says to the daughter: “I know he’s ugly, but he’s rich.” and the daughter replies, “Mother, you are so right. I know he’s rich, but he’s ugly.”

So the other side of the coin is to be able to use “but” to defend yourself against a communication that asks you to ignore something that is important to you.

When people are cautious or wary, they often tend to respond defensively, and may oppose whatever someone else says, and find problems with it, no matter how sensible the suggestion might be. In such a situation, often the other person will reply, “Yes, but . . .” (negating the “Yes” agreement) and then respond with an opposite opinion. “Yes, I can see that, but there is a problem with it.” Once someone is focused on a problem, it is easy to get “tunnel vision” and forget that the reason for studying a problem is to find a way to make the suggestion work. Many people then become frustrated because they are stuck with discussing a problem, and don’t know how to get the conversation back to the suggestion that they want the other person to consider.

One alternative is to repeat what the person just said, but replacing the word “but” with “and.” “OK, you can see that, and there is a problem with it.” This keeps both of the representations (the suggestion and the problem) connected together in the person’s awareness, and the problem can be considered in the context of the possible advantages of the suggestion.

If you expect that your suggestion is likely to be met with a “Yes, but” response, you can make the first move and state the reverse of what you want the person to consider. Someone who “Yes, buts” consistently will usually feel compelled to reverse it. In the example above, if the daughter (knowing that her mother is a “Yes-butter),” says, “I don’t know . . . he’s ugly, but he’s rich,” the mother is likely to respond, “Yes, he’s rich, but he’s ugly.” If the mother doesn’t reverse it, the daughter can always follow up with the reversal—and now her position is one of considering both sides of the matter, so she can’t be accused of being stuck in one narrow point of view!

Another very effective use of “but” is as a preemptive move with someone who tends to respond frequently with a “Yes, but,” or someone you expect to respond in this way because of the content, context, etc. Since they unconsciously process with the “Yes, but” pattern, they will also process unconsciously when you use the same pattern with them.

For example, let’s say you want to make a proposal to your boss, who you know from experience tends to find objections, or respond negatively and reject the entire proposal. “You will probably think what I have to say is really crazy, . . . but I’d like to offer you my proposal and see what you think.” If the boss tends to respond in opposition, he will first have to disagree with what precedes the “but” (especially if you pause for a half-second before the “but”), and this will put him into an attitude of agreement with what you will say next. At this point, the boss has already had the opportunity to respond negatively, and then the “but” will tend to push this aside, so he is more likely to simply consider the proposal on its merits. If you’re pretty sure that someone is going to oppose what you say, giving him something else to object to, allows him to approach the proposal itself with an open mind.

You can also invite him to find flaws in your proposal (which is something that you know he will likely do anyway). “You will probably think what I have to say is really crazy, . . . but I’d like to offer you my proposal and have you point out the problems with it.” If he is likely to respond in opposition to whatever you propose, he will also be likely to oppose your suggestion to find flaws in your proposal, and be at least a little less vigorous in doing this. By inviting him to find flaws, you have allied yourself with what he will do anyway, so there is no opposition. He may still find objections to it, but likely without the defensive and critical attitude that otherwise would have been there.

Then when he finds something to object to in the proposal and says, “Yes, but this (X) is a problem,” you can say, “Yes, I see that (X) could be a problem, but if we can find a way to deal with that, I think that the proposal as a whole could still be worth exploring in more detail, because. . . (of the profit potential, etc.).” This is using the “Yes, but” in response to a “Yes, butter” in a way that can keep the discussion going usefully. Again, you are allied with the boss, and together you can consider both the proposal and the problems with it.

When someone says, “Yes (X), but (Y),” you can also include their entire “Yes, but” response as the “Yes” part of your “Yes, but” reply. “Yes, what you just said is clearly important to consider, but I think that (Z) (whatever you want him/her to consider next) is also worth thinking about.” You can continue this kind of move as many times as you want in order to keep the discussion going in a useful direction. Since most people have great difficulty consciously tracking even one such move, this can be particularly effective in getting people to continue paying attention to what you think is important, and to continue considering and discussing it.

These are all very useful ways to keep a discussion on track and not get caught up in struggling with peoples’ habitual and defensive responses. But all these moves, no matter how skillfully done, will not salvage a lousy proposal, no matter how clever you are.

Steve Andreas, with his wife Connirae, has been learning, teaching, and developing patterns in NLP since 1977. Steve is the author of a number of NLP articles and books, including Heart of the Mind, and has produced many videotapes and audiotaped demonstrations of specific NLP patterns for personal change.