There is every likelihood that you may be acquainted with Trance Formation Neuro Linguistic Programming and The Structure Of Hypnosis. You can learn so much knowledge from this publication and it is based around Bandler/Grinder who speak and teach on the ever so popular subject of hypnosis, therapy, NLP and Milton Erikson. This category of hypnosis is just so amazing in respect of the fact that you can hypnotize using what is known as embedded commands. I mean let’s stop and think about this for a moment, the majority of all communication, beliefs and thoughts are hypnosis. Everything is actually hypnosis. You begin thinking that you’re clumsy and at some point you will find that you really are clumsy! The key here is that we must choose to hypnotize and input beliefs that are helpful to us, not anything that might hold us back!

Defining Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Let us be clear about the definition of Neuro Linguistic Programming. According to Bandler, Trance Formation Neuro Linguistic Programming and The Structure Of Hypnosis is an attitude and methodology which leaves behind a trial of techniques. NLP author Robert Dilts defined it as study of structure of subjective experience.

Looking At The Basic Idea

The fundamental concept is that human senses are somewhat limited. It is not possible to perceive all parts of the world through these senses. Neuro Linguistic Programming says that the human body and mind complex which is called linguistic interact to form perception of the world and programming. In straight forward terms we can say this that people act and feel on the basis of their perception rather than the actual world around them. This is actually quite interesting when we look at it in this light because plainly what this means is that people will create destructive patterns of thought. In a bid to enhance the experience of clients , practitioners update, change or upgrade the thought patterns to achieve effective and desired behavior patterns. Of course we can add further to this school of thought but out sole intent of this article is to familiarize you with the fundamental concept of Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Methods That We Employ

1-Modeling

It is a method of adopting behavior, language and beliefs of the others to build a model of what they do. If we get the same behavioral outcome from the person that we have modeled, the modeling has been successful. Modeling is not a therapy; it is applied to a wide range of learning. Understanding the patterns of one’s own behaviors in order to model is also an aspect of modeling.

2-Meta Model

It is composed of specifying questions and languages. There is a verbal pattern and its purpose is to facilitate the estimation of restrictive beliefs and thinking. By responding to the language patterns, the practitioner may aid the client to recover the information.

3-Milton Model

In order to contact the hidden things in the personality, there is a way of communication based on hypnotic changes as well as a way of using language called Milton Mode

Techniques

1-Anchoring

Neuro Linguistic Programming supporters say that the people make association between sensational and emotional conditions. If an individual is exposed to a certain stimulus in an emotional state, there will develop a connection between state and the stimulus. If this same stimulus for example occurs again, the emotional state will therefore be stimulated. So anchors can be created and stimulated to find a key to the target states.

2-Swish

This pattern is designated to disturb the pattern of thought from one that leads an unwanted behavior to one that leads to a more desired behavior.

3-Reframing

The function of perceiving is to metamorphosing the way of perceiving events hence differentiating the meaning. As the meaning differs, the optimal response and behavioral pattern will also differ due to the change of meaning. Reframing is the backbone of the most creative ways of thinking

NLP is used in conjunction within some industry association and has been utilized as an approach for some mental health officials. Neuro Linguistic Programming methods are built on modeling the medical practitioners who communicate with the patients successfully.

I trust this information has provided you with a greater insight regarding NLP and hope the content here has been both beneficial and informative.

By: Miles Jacobs

Can you remember a time when you met someone for the first time and it just seems to click? An instant bond between the two of you, an instant ‘like-ability’ or trust. You can literally FEEL, that connection!

That connection is called Rapport! It is the basis and foundation for every meaningful interaction between two or more people. Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust and understanding, to respect and honor the other person’s world. This allows the person the freedom to fully express their ideas and feelings and know they’ll be respected and appreciated by you. Rapport creates the space for the person to feel listened and responded to, even when you dis-agree with what the other person says or does. Each person appreciates the other’s viewpoint and respects their model of the world. When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world and see things from their perspective, feel the way they do, get a better understanding of where they are coming from; and as a result, enhance the whole relationship.

A 1970 study conducted by Dr. Ray Birdwhistle at the University of Pennsylvania concluded that 93% of our communication transpires non-verbally and unconscious. 55% of our communication is our physiology or body language, 38% is tonality or HOW we say our words, and only 7% is the content or words we choose to speak.

Researchers at the Boston University Medical School studied films of people having conversations. The researchers noticed that the people talking began (unconsciously) to co-ordinate their movements (including finger movements, eye blinks and head nods.) When they were being monitored using electroencephalographs, they found some of their brain waves were spiking at the same moment also. As the conversations progressed, these people were getting into a deeper level rapport with each other, and didn’t even have a clue to what was going on, this is because we communicate our ideas and concepts at this 93% UN-conscious level, but believe the words we speak actually hold the meaning to our communication.

NLP rapport skills teach us how to communicate at that unconscious level. Mirroring, matching, pacing and leading skills will enable you to become “like” the other person. Anthony Robbins stated: “People like each other when they tend to be like each other.” NLP teaches how to mirror and match that 55% physiology, 38% tonality and 7% predicates or process words.

The key to establishing rapport is an ability to enter another person’s world by assuming a similar state of mind. The first thing to do is to become more like the other person by matching and mirroring the person’s behaviors — body language, voice, words etc. Matching and mirroring is a powerful way of getting an appreciation of how the other person is seeing/experiencing the world.

Some people find the idea of matching another person uncomfortable and they feel that they are trying to fool or take advantage of the other person. To overcome this uneasiness, realize that matching is a natural part of the rapport building process and that you are doing it unconsciously every day with your close family and friends. Each day gradually increase your conscious use of matching at a pace that is comfortable and ethical for you. Matching done with integrity and respect creates positive feelings and responses in you and others. Rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s world, to make him feel you understand him, and that there is a strong connection between the two of you.

The purpose of the following exercises is to provide some experience with the basic processes and procedures of modeling. They primarily focus on the information gathering phase of the modeling process, and cover a range of modeling skills, including “implicit” and “explicit” modeling formats, and the use of multiple perceptual positions to gather different types and levels of information about a particular performance.

Mirroring Exercise

Mirroring is a method of building a strong “second position” with someone else. It is a fundamental skill for modeling another person and for developing intuitions about the person’s internal experience. To get a sense of the influence and effects of mirroring, try out the following exercise.

1. Choose a partner, or person to converse with. Do not tell the person initially that you will be mirroring him or her during the conversation.

2. Enter into a conversation with the person, asking for his or her opinions about various subjects.

3. As you are conversing, begin to subtly mirror the other person’s physiology (including voice tone and tempo). [Hint: This can be most easily done in the context of 'active listening'; that is, reflecting back statements the person has made, by commenting, "So what you are saying is....", and then stating your understanding of the person's opinion.]

4. When you are fully mirroring, you will be sitting in the same posture, using the same types of gestures, speaking at a similar speed and volume, and in a similar voice tone range, as the other person. If you are completely mirroring the other person, you may even be breathing at the same rate and pattern as the other. Notice how it feels when you have reached this level of deep rapport.

5. One way to test your degree of rapport is by “second guessing” the other person’s opinion on a couple of subjects that you have not yet discussed. Often mirroring will give you access to information that is being unconsciously communicated and received, and you will “pick up” information about the other person without being consciously aware of how you got it. This is why mirroring is such a powerful tool for modeling.

6. To get another sense of the influence mirroring and matching has on your interaction; try out abruptly mismatching the other person, in posture, gestures, voice tone and breathing. Both you and your partner should experience quite a jolt if you do this, and feel as if your quality of rapport has changed dramatically.

7. Before concluding your conversation and letting your partner in on what you were doing, make sure you have reestablished rapport by once again physically mirroring your partner.
One way to help rapport to develop is to mirror the micro-behaviors of those we wish to influence. Any observable behavior can be mirrored, for example:

Body posture

Spinal alignment

Hand gestures

Head tilt

Blink rate

Facial expression

Energy level

Breathing rate

Vocal qualities (volume, tonality, rhythm)

Key word phrases or predicates

Anything else that you can observe…

To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, and then do that behavior. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror.

To mirror a person who has raised his right hand, you would raise your left hand (i.e. mirror image). To match this same person, you would raise your right-hand (doing exactly the same as the other person). Some practitioners see a time difference between mirroring and matching. For example, if someone makes hand gestures while they are speaking, you would wait until it was your turn to speak before making similar (matching) hand gestures.

The fact that you’ve read this far means that you can see the benefits of increasing your rapport skills. Reading is sadly not enough – practice is the key to building skill, so do the exercises. When you first start the practice of mirroring, you may have to pay some conscious attention to what you’re doing. After a while, however, you will start to catch yourself doing it unconsciously. This is where you really begin to build rapport elegantly!

And at times when a gesture is idiosyncratic to that person or otherwise to obvious, you can do crossover matching. Meaning, if they adjust their glasses, and you don’t wear any, then just move your foot. When you crossover match/mirror, you match/mirror a portion of the other person’s body, with a different portion of your own body. This is best to do when you are matching someone’s rate of breathing. You can use your finger to pace the rhythm of their breath. When matching or mirroring someone’s voice, do that with their tonality, volume, and the rate at which they speak. And remember you don’t have to do all of these things, just one or two will be enough to create rapport in most cases.

Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they can mirror to build rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe. When this is done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the other person.

• However, a few notes of caution are appropriate:

• Mirroring is not the same as mimicry.

• It should be subtle and respectful.

• Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other person’s experience.

• Avoid mirroring people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.

• Mirroring builds a deep sense of trust quickly, so use it with responsibility.

Practice with friends and family members to start and begin to match different aspects of their posture, gestures, voice and words. Have fun with it and notice if they begin to respond to your matching. At work or social events, start by matching one specific behavior, and once they and you feel comfortable, begin to add on another. With people whom you already have a sense of rapport, notice how often you naturally match their posture, gestures, tone of voice or words, This is because matching and mirroring comes naturally. Your outcome then should be to create rapport with anyone at any given moment, having it become automatic whenever you wish to deepen that sense of rapport.

Exercise 1
Practice mirroring the micro-behaviors of people on television (chat shows & interviews are ideal.) You may be surprised at how quickly you can become comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviors of others.

Exercise 2
Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of someone else’s behavior. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself – you have led their behavior!

Exercise 3
Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others. Use your common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)

Exercise 4
During a conversation with another person; choose one of their behaviors (e.g. breathing rate) to cross-over match with one of your behaviors (e.g. speaking rate.) Notice how quickly the sense of connection develops!

Backtracking is another excellent skill to learn in order to maintain and deepen rapport. When you are in conversation with another person, whether it be business or personal, take the opportunity to recite back to the person the information you’re receiving. This lets the person know that you were listening and you understand without judgment. It also allows you a chance to ensure your understanding and/or ask for clarification. Backtracking is the thread that tightens and deepens rapport. Backtracking is repeating back the essence, not verbatim, of what the person is attempting to communicate. There will be times when you’re backtracking, and the other person will add on or correct you. Being corrected will only strengthen rapport because you’ll then backtrack again and have the person really feel you understand. There is also the possibility being corrected will cause you to lose rapport.

However, losing rapport is just like losing your balance. You falter, recover, and get back into it again. When you do lose rapport you’ll find a way to regain it. There may also be times you want to be “out” of rapport with someone. For example if it isn’t healthy for you to be around certain people, you are held hostage at a cocktail party or you are doing it for effect. Typically people think the way to break rapport is to be demeaning or disagree. Although that may work I recommend mismatching. This means intentionally mismatch posture, breathing, key words/gestures, and voice quality. Rely on mismatching the nonverbal communication and you will be out of rapport. For those of you who like experiments try this: Disagree strongly and maintain rapport. Or agree completely while breaking rapport. And all experimenting should be done in a non-critical environment without judgment.

The key element in establishing, building, deepening and maintaining rapport is your ability to pay attention to the responses you receive. One presupposition of NLP, or assumed rules is; “Communication is the response we receive back, NOT our intention given.”

Lastly; behind any technique there must be an authenticity of caring and real concern for the other person. (See “Technicians Need Not Apply,”Anchor Point 1987.) If you practice these skills and have no real interest in the other person, rapport will not develop. If you don’t pay attention to the other person it doesn’t matter how proficient you become in your NLP techniques. It is the responses you get in return and your own flexibility that hold the ultimate power in establishing, maintaining and deepening rapport.

John James Santangelo C.Ht. nationally acclaimed speaker, seminar leader, and success coach has been a guiding force in empowering individuals, businesses, and corporations to excel at peak performance. Working with companies such as Learning Annex, CSUN-Northridge University, Mary Kay Inc, Well Point, Xerox, RE/MAX Realtors, the Teamsters Union, and the US Army counter-intelligence team. Whether you’re looking to fulfill short-term goals, meeting planner events, or corporate sales/communication trainings, John can help you achieve a new level of success! He is the author of Asking The Right Questions…” For more information on How to develop and master “Dynamic Communication Skills,” email: John@JohnSantangelo.com or www.LAnlp.com

How did these models come to be? As we grow up, we attempt to make sense of the world based on: our interpretation of our experiences, what we are told by others – particularly those in authority or those we respect (parents, teachers, religious leaders, …) – and what we tell ourselves.

Interpretation of Our Experiences. As children, we make decisions that will in some way keep us safe – avoid or minimize being abused (physically or verbally) or being abandoned. And often we assume we are the cause of whatever happened – e.g. the untimely death of our parents – and in so doing, vow at an unconscious level to never do that again. We establish mental models of the world that are intended to protect us from causing such upset in the future. As a result, we put ourselves at the effect of whatever happens and on the path of being a victim. As children, these mental models may serve us well. Yet, some of us carry these models, which operate at an unconscious level, into adulthood and wonder why we get the results we do and are not living the life we desire.

What We are Told by Others. Generally, parents or other adults are well-meaning in their disciplining or teaching of children. However the behaviors they select and words they use are often inappropriate and when interpreted through the eyes and ears of a young child take on a different meaning. Consider the parent who desperately wants to see their child succeed and says to their child, for example “If you keep acting this way, you will grow up to be no good.” This type of motivation may satisfy the parent’s need; however the child may hear and begin to develop a mental model of ‘I am no good.’ A recent study by researchers at Iowa State University found in a typical family with children aged two to eight that the ratio of negative to positive comments said by parents to their children was 13:1. That is for every positive comment, children heard thirteen negative comments. If as a child, you lived in this type of environment, what mental model did you form about yourself, others and the world around you?

What We Tell Ourselves. We are talking to ourselves all of the time – often at an unconscious level. We tell ourselves how wonderful we are or how badly we messed up. For many of us, negative thoughts are far, far more frequent than positive thoughts. Although each thought by itself is insignificant, these thoughts can build up over time – just like the insignificant tiny coral polyps that come together to form massive coral reefs – thus forming barriers to what we truly want and desire in life.

To overcome this conditioning, we need to become consciously aware of our mental models and explore the origins of our thoughts and the beliefs and values (which are often not ours but someone else’s) that we assumed during our childhood. Begin by paying attention to your daily thoughts and judgments about yourself and about others. As you do, get curious about the underlying beliefs and values that you are operating from, especially their origin and explore the possibility that these thoughts, judgments, beliefs and values may be incorrect. You can also explore the positive intention behind these beliefs and values (e.g. safety) and consider if the positive intention is still relevant (e.g. worked for you as a child but not as an adult) or if it can be obtained in a different manner – a manner that delivers fewer negative side-effects and more positive benefits. On a daily basis, you may wish to experiment with new behaviors – not dictated by your old thoughts – and notice the changes you can make in your interpretation of what is and isn’t possible for you. As you implement new behaviors, you may not always be successful. At these times, remember the words of Thomas Alva Edison “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

This article is based on Roger’s book Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You , which you can buy from Amazon.com.

By Roger Ellerton Phd, ISP, CMC, Renewal Technologies Inc. www.renewal.ca

The Meta Model assists a client to be more specific or precise about his problem and as a result he begins to discover possible resources or solutions to his problem. Gregory Batson was enthusiastic about this approach and he was also aware of the work of Milton Erickson who was also getting great results with his clients, but in a different way — being vague rather than specific, the exact opposite of the Meta Model. Batson encouraged John Grinder and Richard Bandler to meet Erickson and discover why he was so successful. Their description of Erickson’s methods became known as the Milton Model – an approach opposite to the Meta Model, yet an equally useful tool for personal change and human communication.

“The Milton Model is a way of using language to induce and maintain trance in order to contact hidden resources of our personality. It follows the way the mind works naturally. Trance is a state where you are highly motivated to learn from your unconscious mind in an inner directed way. It is not a passive state, nor are you under another’s influence. There is co-operation between client and therapist, the client’s responses letting the therapist know what to do next.”
Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People, Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour; Thorsons, Hammersmith, London, 1995.

Milton Erickson

Milton Erickson was generally regarded as the foremost hypnotherapist of his time. He worked with trance and cleverly structured sentences full of vague meanings to help his clients discover how to address their problems and the resources that they already had available to them. Erickson’s success was based on his ability to read non-verbal behaviour (sensory acuity), his ability to establish rapport with his clients, his skill with language patterns and his beliefs about his clients — some of his beliefs appear in the list of NLP Presuppositions. For example:

* Every behaviour has a positive intention.
* This is the best choice available to a person given the circumstances as they see it.
* Respect for the other person’s model of the world.
* Resistance in a client is due to a lack of rapport. That is there are no resistant clients, only inflexible therapists.

Erickson would also pace a client’s experience and then begin to lead them into trance (or downtime). In NLP terms, uptime is when your senses are focused on the outside world, while downtime is related to your inner thoughts. The Meta Model is associated with uptime (i.e. who, what, how specifically), while the Milton Model is associated with downtime. As we go through our daily activities, we are continually cycling through uptime and downtime and are often somewhere in between.

Pacing and Leading

To pace a client, begin by matching and mirroring her physiology, choice of words, tone of voice, etc., then make reference to what she would most likely be seeing, hearing, feeling or thinking (e.g. “As you notice the lights slowly dimming …” or “As you hear my voice …” or As you feel the chair on your back …”, or “As you wonder …”) while speaking slowly in a soft tonally and pacing your speech to her breathing. To lead her into downtime, you would begin to focus her attention inward by saying something such as “You may notice how easy it is to close your eyes whenever you wish to feel more relaxed …”

The topic of trance and hypnosis is vast. The rest of this article will focus on the Milton Model, which is a set of language patterns used to:

* Pace and lead.
* Distract the conscious mind.
* Speak directly to the unconscious and access its hidden resources.

For more information on hypnosis, the Milton Model and other hypnotic techniques, please see Hypnosis: A Comprehensive Guide by Tad James.

Milton Model: Hypnotic Language Patterns

The Milton Model hypnotic language patterns encourage the listener to move away from detail and content and move to higher levels of thinking and deeper states of mind. Some patterns are used to establish a trance state (or downtime or relaxation in the body). Other patterns are used to loosen the listener’s model of the world from which he is expressing his current behaviours and to consider a more expansive interpretation of what is possible.

You will notice that many of these language patterns are identical to those of the Meta Model. The difference being that for the Meta Model, the client is being vague and we ask specific questions to assist him in getting clarity on his issue/problem. For the Milton Model, we use some of the same language patterns, but this time we wish to be vague so that the client can easily go into trance and/or from the vague suggestions choose a suggested course of action that will address his problem/issue.

1. Mind Read: Claiming to know another’s thoughts or feelings without specifying the how you came to that knowledge.

“I know that you believe …” or “I know you’re thinking …”

2. Lost Performative: Expressing value judgments without identifying the one doing the judging.

“Breathing is good.”

3. Cause & Effect: Implies one thing leads to or causes another; that there is sequence of cause/effect and a flow in time. Includes phrases such as: “If …, then …; As you …., then you …; Because … then …”

“If you can hear my voice, then you can learn many things.”

4. Complex Equivalence: Attributes meaning to something that may or may not have a ’cause’ capability.

“Being here means that you will change easily.”

5. Presupposition: The linguistic equivalent of assumptions.

“Will you be changing your attitude now or later today?” It is assumed the person will change their attitude, the only unknown is when.

6. Universal Quantifier: Universal generalizations without referential index.

“Everyone; No one; All; Every”

7. Modal Operator: Words that refer to possibility or necessity or that reflect internal states of intensity tied to our rules in life.

“You should care for others.” or “You must resolve this issue.”

8. Nominalization: Words which are formed as nouns and which are shorthand for processes.

“People can come to new understandings.” Here ‘understandings’ is used as a noun and is shorthand to describe the on-going experience of ‘understanding’ or ‘making sense of something’.

9. Unspecified Verb: Implies action without describing how the action has/will take place.

“He caused the problem.”

10. Tag Question: A question added at the end of a statement/question, designed to soften resistance. It is used to ratify to the listener that he has or will actually manifest the action. It has the structure of a question and often the tonality of a statement.

“Your perception of life is changing, isn’t it.”

11. Lack of Referential Index: An expression without specific reference to any portion of the speakers/listeners experience.

“People can change.”

12. Comparative Deletion (Unspecified Comparison): A comparison is made without specific reference to what or to whom it is being compared.

“You will enjoy it more.” or “That one is better.”

13. Pace Current Experience: Using sensory-grounded, behaviorally specific information to describe current experience.

“You are reading this article.”

14. Double Bind: Invites choice within a larger context of ‘no choice’.

“Do you want to begin now or later?” or “Do you want to go into trance before or after you sit down?”

15. Embedded Commands: This is a command that forms part of a larger sentence that is marked by using italics or a subtle change in voice tonality or body language and is picked up by the reader’s or listener’s unconscious.

“I will not suggest to you that change is easy.” or “Do you think this article should be sent to your friends?” or “You can learn this material easily.

16. Conversational Postulate: Are questions that operate at multiple levels. Although they require only a simple yes or no answer, they invite you to engage in an activity in some way. Often they contain an embedded command.

“Can you open the door?” or “Can you choose to change?”

17. Extended Quote: Is a rambling context for the delivery of information that may be in the format of a command.

“Many years ago, I remember meeting a wise old man who taught me many useful things. I cherished all of his advice. I remember one particular day when he said to me “Change is easy and can be fun”.”

18. Selectional Restriction Violation: Attributing intelligence or animation to inanimate objects.

“Your chair can support you as you make these changes.” or “Your diary tells interesting tales.”

19. Ambiguity: Lack of specificity

a. Phonological: “your” and “you’re” – same sound, different meaning.
b. Syntactic: More than one possible meaning. “shooting stars” or “leadership shows” – the syntax is uncertain within the context, i.e. adjectives, verbs or nouns?
c. Scope: “Speaking to you as a changed person …” (Who is the changed person?) or “The old men and women …” – the context does not reveal the scope to which a verb or modifier applies.
d. Punctuation: is unexpected and does not ‘follow the rules’, i.e. improper pauses, rambling sentences, incomplete sentences – all of which ultimately force the listener to ‘mind read’.
“Hand me your watch how quickly you go into a trance.”

20. Utilization: Takes advantage of everything in the listeners experience (both internal and external environments) to support the intention of the speaker.

Client says: “I don’t understand.” Response: “That’s right…you don’t understand, yet, because you’ve not taken that one deep breath that will allow the information to fall easily and comfortably into place.”

Or perhaps while working with a client, one of your colleagues mistakenly opens a door. Instead of getting frustrated and annoyed with your colleague, you could say to your client, “You may have heard a door opening and let this be an opportunity to invite new ideas and thoughts into your life.”

And NLP is Much more than that!

Author: Roger Ellerton is a certified NLP trainer, certified management consultant and the founder and managing partner of Renewal Technologies. He can be reached at Renewal Technologies www.renewal.ca. The above article is an extract from his book Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You.

By: Arman Darini, Ph.D.

All right, good to be talking with you again. Today we’ll take a deep dive inside THE single most important ability you have as a human being. If you are poor in this area, then… well, it’s rough to be you. And if you excel at it, then the whole world is at your fingertips. However, even if you excel at it, I know that you are not nearly as good as you can be. How come I know?

Because all of us without exception (ok, maybe there are a few extraordinary individuals out there) were NOT taught this ability. We picked it up at random in the childhood, by watching adults, who in their turn picked it up at random in their childhood, ad infinum. Somewhere at the beginning of this great ancestral chain is a not-so-smart monkey, if you catch my drift.
So you have more chances of winning a lottery – twice, than being really good at it right now. But, I *know* from years of training experience, that you CAN become *amazingly* good at it. With results so far reaching and important for your life, that your grand grandma will wake up and hug me for teaching you this skill.

“Enough of pulling my leg. WHAT IS IT?”

*Drum roll* Decisions, decisions, decisions. How well (or how badly) you make decisions. Not any specific decision, but how good is your *process* of deciding. Bet you never even thought about that!

During the last 100 years, psychologists have studied how people make decisions. How great generals do it, how Olympic champions do it, how house moms with ten kids do it, how lonely priests do it. The results are inspiring.

They (psychologists) have figured out the structure of extraordinary decision making AND the most common psychological traps all of us fall into. I will talk about some of the most frequent traps that your mind stumbles in (trust us, it does – hundreds of experiments have verified this) in the next article. Today we are taking a closer look at the structure of extraordinary decision making.

The structure is the sequence of steps you must follow to get the result you want. If you skip or change the steps, you get different results. If you mess up excellent decision making steps, you get messed up results. Of course, once you become an excellent decision maker, you can be more creative with the steps, but until then it pays to follow what those people do who are already amazing at it.

There are three steps to extraordinary decision making:
1) Frame the problem.
2) Collect information.
3) Draw conclusions.

Let’s look at each of these steps in detail.

First, you frame the problem by asking a specific question that you want answered: Do I want Chinese or Italian today? How do I double my salary? Where can I find the love of my life? That question forms the frame for the decision, because it highlights some aspects of the problem while pushing others into the shadow. EVERY question that you can possibly ask will focus your attention on one thing and hide another thing. For example, I might have also liked to get some sushi, but that alternative is outside the frame. It might be just as easily possible to triple my salary, but that’s outside the frame. Maybe instead of searching for my love, it’s better to wait and have her find me, but that’s outside the frame as well.

The moment you frame the problem, you delete chunks of reality from the consideration. So be careful what you delete. Way too often the initial decision frame crops the best alternatives out. Examine a few decisions you made recently – how much time did you spend on framing the problem? It should be 5-20% of the total decision making time.

Second, you collect information that you don’t already know. And this is key. What you think you don’t know and what you actually don’t know are light years apart. Time and time again, experiments have confirmed that we are GROSSLY overconfident in our knowledge (we don’t have the time or the inclination to do it here, but at our trainings we demonstrate that fact to you beyond any doubt – it’s highly worth having this etched into your mind).

The single best strategy to avoid overconfidence (let’s not confuse confidence with competence here) is to ask disconfirming questions. You are probably used to asking questions that confirm your intuitions and beliefs. You need to do just the opposite – ask questions that disconfirm your opinions. For example, suppose one of your alternatives for doubling the salary is to get a second job. A confirming question would be: “How will getting a second job double my salary?” A disconfirming question would be: ‘How can getting a second job fail to double my salary?” Think of it as playing the devil’s advocate with your decision alternatives. Only then you can make sure you have got solid, high quality information essential for extraordinary decision making.

Third, you take all the information and the decision objectives, and make the best conclusion. How you come to the conclusion is important. Some people flip coins, others hesitate until they grow so frustrated they latch onto the first conclusion they see. Yet others trust their intuition, and a few even apply linear models (weighing pros and cons). None of these is the best all the time, each has its own uses. I personally would flip a coin to decide on the restaurant, weigh pros and cons to triple my salary, and trust my intuition to find the love of my life (don’t try this last one yet – intuition CAN be an incredible tool, but you have to develop it first, lest it gets confused with inner chat). What’s important is that you are aware of the method you use to draw conclusions, and know when to use it and when to switch to something more effective.

So there you have it, extraordinary decision making in a nutshell. Of course, to master it you need a few more details. And lots of practice, the opportunity for which, luckily, happens several hundred times a day.

You’ve just read TIP #84 FOR CREATING AN EXTRAORDINARY AND MEANINGFUL LIFE brought to you by Holographic University. To get the next Tip visit us at:

http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/magazinesignup.php?w=Tip84

May You Be Happy!
- Arman Darini, Ph.D.

Arman Darini, Ph.D. is the director of Holographic University, the author of weekly Tips for Creating an Extraordinary and Meaningful Life, and a certified international http://www.HolographicUniversity.com/nlpguide.php Trainer. As the leader of a dynamic team of Life Trainers and Coaches, Arman’s motto is “I don’t believe in your limitations”. To learn more about Arman, visit http://www.ArmanDarini.com

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By: Kris Hallbom

Before he passed away, someone asked an ailing Gregory Bateson, “Who will carry on with your work, once you’re gone.”

Gregory, being the great philosopher, anthropologist and systems thinker that he was replied, “A man by the name of Humberto Maturana out of Santiago, Chile. He has been doing some very interesting research that compliments my work.” (Ruiz, 1997)

Bateson and Maturana, both contemporary philosophers and systemic thinkers, spent a good part of their academic careers searching for the “Patterns of Life”. Both men have strong backgrounds in cybernetics and were colleagues of the great cybernetician Heinz Von Foerester, who originated the legendary Macy conferences in the 1950′s in which cybernetics developer Norbert Wiener played a great part in. Bateson and Maturana found each other in the same circles over and over again throughout the years, which probably prompted Bateson to make such a powerful statement about Maturana in the final months of his life. One would think that it was Gregory’s hope that someone as brilliant as he, could continue on with the genius of his work.

Humberto Maturana, a neuro-biologist and professor, co-developed the Santiago Theory of Autopoiesis with his student and colleague, Fransisco Varela. Together, the two men developed a theory for living systems that is very similar to the work of Gregory Bateson. While Bateson’s work concentrated on the overall “meta pattern” that connects all living things, Maturana and Varela’s work focused on “Autopoiesis” the pattern to be found inside of all living systems.

Autopoiesis has to do with how systems create, sustain and generate life while maintaining their overall structure and organization. Autopoiesis explores the internal occurrences that happen within a system and the parts that make up the system; the relationships between those parts; the boundaries that surround and contain the parts; how information emerges from the system via cognition; and how external information triggers the structure of the overall system.

The Greek meaning of the word auto is “self” and refers to the autonomy of self organizing systems. The Greek poeire means production or creation, such as poetry and refers to the ongoing creative processes that exists within all living systems. Thus autopoiesis means “self creating”. I remember the first time I came across the word autopoiesis. I was fascinated with the promise that this concept offered for understanding not only the systemic nature of human beings, but also the possibility of becoming attractors for what we want in life through the process of “self creating”. Autopoiesis is important to the field of NLP because it offers us a deeper understanding of the structure and organization of our human experience on this earth.

According to Maturana, the “organization” of a living system represents its identity, while the “structure” represents the components that make up the system. A system may change its structure without loss of identity, as long as the organization remains the same. An example of this autpoietic principle can be seen in the art work of 16th Century Italian painter Giuseppe Arcimboldo, who created portraits of faces which were composed of fruit, vegetables and seafood. The organization of the portrait is represented by the image of the face, while the structure of the face is composed of food. No matter what kind of food or element Arcimboldo made his faces out of, the organization/identity stayed the same. It was the structure that changed by simply changing the components that represented the image of the face.

A person’s life is organized around their identity, yet the structure of their life is always changing. The pure essence of who they are will always be the same, it’s the structure of their experience that changes. Moreover, the actual process of creating structural changes is as important as the changes that take place, for the process represents ongoing relationships between the components that form the structure of the system. It is the nature of these relationships that demonstrate the various patterns of organization which constitutes the structure of the system’s identity. (Maturana and Varela, 1987)

The central characteristic of an autopoietic system is that it undergoes continual structural changes while preserving its web like pattern of organization. The components of the network continually produce and transform one another, and they do so in two distinct ways. One way is through the process of “self renewal”. Every living organism continually renews itself. When you clip your nails, they grow back. If you cut yourself, the wound will heal. When you trim your hair, it grows back. In spite of this ongoing change, the person maintains their overall identity or pattern of organization.

The second type of structural changes in a living system are changes in which new structures are created, thus new connections in the autopoietic network. These type of changes occur because of environmental influences or as a result of the systems internal dynamics. A living system interacts with its environment through “Structural Coupling”. Moreover, the environment only “triggers” the structural changes, it does not specify or direct them. (Capra, 1996)

According to Maturana and Varela, structural coupling establishes a clear difference between the ways living and nonliving systems interact with their environments. Kicking a stone and kicking a dog are two very different stories, as Gregory Bateson was fond of pointing out. The point that Bateson was making is that when you kick a stone you can predict exactly how far it will go by calculating its weight, it’s mass, the pressure exerted on the stone by your foot and so on. However, when you kick a dog, it will be a totally unpredictable event. You will have no idea where the dog will go. For every dog might have a different internal response to being kicked. Some dogs might run, others will howl or bark, and others might wag their tail with excitement because they like being kicked.

Our experience of life is truly an internal experience. Maturana says that the map is the territory. Ultimately, the structure of our internal experience of reality is the only map we’ll ever know. Beyond that, it’s all perceptual illusion. External occurrences may happen outside of the self bounded system and may trigger an internal response, but given the structure and organization already in tact; the experience will ultimately be determined or distinguished by the history of the organism and how it chooses to represent reality through its perceptual filters. The structure of the internal response is what determines the experience for the living system.

References:
Ruiz, Alfredo, The Contributions of Humberto Maturana to the Sciences of Complexity and Psychology, Santiago, Chile; The Institute for Cognitive Therapy Abstract, 1997.
Capra, Fritjof, The Web of Life, New York, NY; Anchor Books, (A Division of Bantam Dell Publishing Group, Inc.) 1996.
Maturana, Humberto & Varela, Fransisco, The Tree of Knowledge: The Biological Roots of Human Understanding, Boston, MA, Shambhala Publication, Inc., 1987.
Bateson, Gregory, Steps to an Ecology of the Mind, New York, NY; Ballentine Books, 1972. _________________________________________________
Kristine Hallbom is the co-director of the NLP Institute of California and is a professional writer. She is a long time student of NLP and Systemic Thinking, and holds a degree in Psychology and Languages.

By: Kris Hallbom

There is a presupposition in NLP which states that you already have the resources that you need to be successful. NLP developer, author, and trainer Robert Dilts has taken this presupposition one step further on the evolutionary path of NLP, by developing a process called Generative NLP.

The concept of Generative NLP is that if you focus on your resources and how you can enrich them, instead of focusing on your problems, you’ll automatically attract the resolutions to your problems at an unconscious level because you’re operating from the resolution space to begin with. Hence, you can prevent and solve problems before they even come into your conscious awareness. Essentially, what Generative NLP does is it gives you the opportunity to unveil, release, and strengthen your latent capabilities and resources by making them more holographic and systemic.The following interview took place in 1994.

Kris: What is Generative NLP and how do you see it fitting into the future of psychotherapy, health and well being?

Robert: One of the ways that I see it is that solutions and problem solving come from having resources, and the purpose of generative NLP is to take something that is a resource and to make more of it, to expand it and to enrich it. So I think minimally, what Generative NLP does is it allows people to “build” resources instead of trying to select or rely upon resources that they had in the past or something that they have in the present. They can actually take something in the present and expand it.

Secondly, I think that there is a possibility of using Generative NLP itself as an approach. The idea of it is if you build a strong enough resource, that resource will attract the problems of the symptoms that are ready to be solved by that resource. So in that sense, by developing resources, problems become solved. But not because you have to go out and seek a problem and then solve it, but because the resource is available. It’s now able to solve the particular symptom or problem.

Kris: How did you begin to develop this process?

Robert: There are several influences. One is that I was thinking about the ways that I use NLP with myself. Because when I think about using NLP, I think in terms of mastery and modeling. I don’t just use NLP and say “OK, where are my problems and how do I solve them?

Whenever I discover a new thing, then I immediately ask, “What can I do with this? If I had it even better than this, what would happen? If I did this, what would happen?” It wasn’t a problem solving approach; it was more like an exploratory approach to see how things would work out.

Some of the other influences have to do with also being more and more involved with integrating systems and systemic ways of operating in NLP and the particular influence that was bringing it together was the influence of self organization and taking very seriously that systems self organize and self develop. If we really took to heart the belief that NLP purports, that people have the capabilities that they need and the only reason that they are not already using them is that they need to be mobilized, drawn out or activated, then certainly one of the most important things we can do is to have tools and ways of activating and developing those resources.

Kris: The concept of time seems to play an important role in Generative NLP. What is your concept of time in general, taking into account Aristotle’s and Einstein’s view of time, and how does time relate to the generative process?

RobertAristotle thought that it was interesting that people were so caught up with time. Aristotle said, “that time is made up of all the things that use to be and aren’t anymore, and the things that aren’t yet and may never be.” So time is made up of things that are not and yet we get all involved in it. I think Einstein basically perceived time as a construct. And certainly I perceive the perception of time as a tool.

In the same way that we want to use all of our representational systems, we want to have many ways of approaching time. Not to find the right map order, but to think of time as a tool that can actually lead us to punctuating our perceptions of things differently.

One of the generative NLP processes involves stepping into the future and asking, “How would this resource change?” And when the person can feel the change in their body as their future self, you then say:

“Well of course, the feeling that you’re having in your body really isn’t in the future, that’s really in the present. Take that future resource and realize that this resource should really be the present state, not the future state because it’s really in the present.” And so you’ll begin using the “conceptions” of time to change that person’s future resource experience into their present first position. Speaking of conception, there is another place you can explore, like preconception. A lot of times people limit themselves to their perception of time and to their memories of their own life and of course, time is not only limited to our own personal memories. We can create spaces for perceptions by using time. Like the idea of the preconception place which allows you to view your life not just as perceiving time as a line, but as a landscape of possibilities. Because a lifetime isn’t a line, it’s more like a landscape and a particular life is a pathway through a very broad landscape that has many choices.

Kris: If there is one thing that you would want readers to know or one thing that you would want to emphasize regarding Generative NLP, what would that be?

Robert:The thing that comes to mind is number one, that the basic form of change in NLP is that you bring a resource into some problem space. But the whole crux of change is not which technique you use, but which resource you are able to activate. The focus of change, rather than on the problem or even the goals, needs to be on the kinds of resources that we have and the tools of NLP.

To me, the real value of the tools of NLP is like a lot of my recent books such as Skills for the Future or Tools for Dreamers instead of changing beliefs, fixing health, or whatever. It’s no so much the problems that you solve; it’s the resources that you have that are available. The time that we spend in developing our resources is what is going to really make the difference in the future. In that sense, part of the message of Generative NLP is that past and future are constructs. The whole purpose of change history is to “enrich the present.” The whole purpose of planning the future is to “mobilize resources from the present” so that we can live life from first person presentáand the rest of it is always bringing resources to that ongoing experience because that is the way we move to the future ˆ it is from being as fully ourselves and bringing as many past and future resources as we can into the present.

Kris Hallbom is the co-director of the NLP Institute of California. She has been writing professionally for 15 years, working as an editor and staff writer for various newspapers, magazines and journals. She holds a degree in Psychology and Languages and is a long time student of NLP and Systems Theory.

by Kris Hallbom

When was the last time you saw someone whose name you should have remembered? They knew you and called you by name. But you had no idea what their name was. Imagine how wonderful it would be if you could always remember a person’s name after you met them. It would certainly save you from future embarrassment.

Here is a practical way of remembering names. Using this NLP name strategy, you can learn and remember the names of 70 or more people in less than 30 minutes. Tim Hallbom, and NLP trainer, author and therapist, demonstrates this in his NLP training’s. At the beginning of each training, he has his students introduce themselves and afterwards they can recall everyone’s name back, one by one.

Not only are the student’s names installed into each other’s short term memories, but in their long term memories as well. If you meet a person just once, you can usually remember their name for at a long time by using this strategy.

Tim, and another NLP trainer, Suzi Smith, developed this name strategy by studying the thinking processes of people who remembered names well. Franklin D. Roosevelt, one of the people they studied, was a master at recalling names. He continually amazed his staff by remembering someone’s name that he had only met once, months before. Asked how he did it, he said he saw the person’s name written out on their forehead.

Tim now teaches an expanded version of Roosevelt’s name strategy in his NLP trainings. The name strategy that he co-developed is based on the way people learn and recall information, which is through the three primary senses of sight, sound and touch.

“One of the things that brain researchers have discovered in the last few years is that your internal dialogue occupies the same auditory nerve in your ear as external sound,” said Tim.

“The reason why people forget names is because they’re usually involved in some other auditory, internal conversation. So, it’s really hard to hear the other person saying their name when you’re having an internal conversation with yourself about how you’re coming across or what you’re going to say next,” he said.

* In remembering names, the first thing that Tim recommends is to concentrate on staying external with the person by listening to them. Then repeat their name to yourself three times while you’re looking at them.

* To get the visual part in, imagine that you can see their name written on their forehead. To make it more permanent, see their name in your favorite color of magic marker. This will make it stick out all the better. Do this while you’re saying their name to yourself.

* The third way to remember a person’s name is through the kinesthetic sense of “touch”. You can code this in by letting your finger imagine what it would be like to write the person’s name as you’re seeing it and saying it to yourself. You can also move your finger in little micro-muscle movements as if you were actually writing their name. This will code their name into your neurology at a more deeper level.

If you use this process with everyone you meet, pretty soon it will become an automatic part of who you are and you’ll just do it unconsciously whenever you meet someone new, according to Tim.

This name strategy also comes in handy when you meet a large group of people for the first time. The process that Tim uses to remember large groups of names is called “chunking”, which is the art of breaking down information into smaller pieces.

Most people learn information by chunking it down. Think about your social security number. That’s nine pieces of information broken down into three small chunks. Telephone numbers are the same way, you remember them by breaking them down into two chunks of numbers.

When it comes to remembering large groups of people, Tim chunks everyone’s name into groups of five. You can do this by having the five people say their names to you and then repeat their names back as you code each one of them into your memory through your three primary senses of sound, sight and touch.

People are always asking Tim how come he can remember so many names. The reason is rather simple, he’s had a lot of practice. The NLP trainer encourages his students to practice this memory technique as often as possible.

In reality, anyone can do this process. If it’s done the way that Tim teaches it, you’ll find that you can remember a large group of people’s names with ease, and you’ll be able to remember people’s names forever.

Kris Johnson Hallbom is a professional writer and a long time student of NLP and Systems Theory. She is also co-director of the NLP Institute of California.

You know, in psychology there is a rule, especially within the NLP circles that I work in and the NLP literature that I read, it is quite a famous rule; 7 plus or minus 2 – this is the notion that the conscious mind can only keep track of between 5 and 9 discrete pieces of information at one time.

Your unconscious can literally keep track of billions and billions of things at the same time aparently (clever thing that it is!), while your conscious mind is more one step at a time and it has a fairly narrow focus. Whatever the truth of this, it is a useful way to experience your own thinking.

Here are a couple of things that you can do to test the extent of your conscious mind: Without writing them down, blurt out now, straight away without thought;

- As many brands of cars as you can.
- As many film titles as you can.
- As many pop groups as you can.

I often ask people these questions on our NLP trainings. Many people run out of steam when they get to ten, usuallly because of the 7+-2 rule. The bottom line is, when the conscious mind is presented with more than 9 pieces of information, it gets overloaded. So before you send me a very clever email telling me off for pointing out the limits of the conscious mind, would you like to know how you can use this to your advantage? Of course you would.

When you bear the 7+-2 rule in mind, you can start to organise things so that you work with your conscious mind, playing to its strengths. For instance, if you have a to-do list.

Many people that I have encountered have a daily to-do list with 20 or more items on it. This is a recipe for total overwhelm (at which point they often resort to looking for the easiest or funnest thing on the list to do.) The following ideas can help you get a handle on your to-do list really fast, especially if that list has things that are important for your goals and achievements and sense of well-being.

Firstly, scan through the list, looking for items that can be grouped together into categories.

For example, here is a load of the stuff on my list for this week:

Write latest ezine article.

Bank cheques.

Finish writing chapter for new book

Prepare for client therapy sessions.

Finish project on public speaking.

Finish marketing material for new courses.

FInish listening to current educational Audio set.

Read through solicitors material regarding other business project.

Write up script for new audio title.

Send out follow-up letters for last weeks clients.

Prepare for photo shoot for new Bio.

Write up blurb for my new Audio release.

Write new web-page copy.

Review new CD covers

Meet PR people

Do proposal for new book for Publishers.

Read e-book

New course blurb

Meet with prospective business artner for new project.

Clear inbox.

Have a life. Have fun……

The first thing on the list is ‘Write ezine’ – for me, my ezine “Adam Up” is one of my products, so I write ‘Product’ beside it. Next is ‘Bank Cheques’ – that’s part of our cashflow system, so I write ‘Systems’ beside it. Pretty soon, every item on my list is in a category:

Write Adam Up: Products

Bank cheques: Systems

Finish writing chapter for new book: Products

Prepare for client therapy sessions: People

Finish project on public speaking: Personal

Finish marketing material for new courses: Training

Finish listening to current educational Audio set: Personal

Read through solicitors material regarding other business project: Projects

Write up script for new audio title: Products.

Send out follow-up letters for last weeks clients: Systems.

Prepare for photo shoot for new Bio: Marketing.

Write up blurb for my new Audio release: Marketing.

Write new web-page copy: Marketing.

Review new CD covers: Systems

Meet PR people: People.

Do proposal for new book for Publishers: People.

Read e-book: Personal.

New course blurb: Marketing.

Meet with prospective business artner for new project: People.

Clear inbox: Personal.

Have a life. Have fun: Personal.

This is better! I have now gone from a list of 20 or so items (instant overwhelm) to a list of 6 categories which is well within even my 7+-2 limit.

- Products
- Systems
- Training
- Marketing
- People
- Personal

This is what we refer to as chunking in the NLP field, and is one of the most effective ways of dealing with any large or complex set of tasks (or set of anything else). You may say “Great, but I’ve got 200 things on my to-do list”. It doesn’t matter – the same principles apply. If you go through your to-do list or your goals lists; just get it whittled down from 200 items to 20 categories, that is better, it is getting it more manageable – go through the 20 categories and see where they group together. Group together goals for your own development; being a non-smoker, growing in confidence, creating wealth, reducing weight etc. Within NLP, the key is to have no more than 9 categories at each level – this way your conscious mind can keep track of it.

It is a simple thing that we do often anyway, NLP just heightened my awareness of it. I now do it in an NLP way.

Secondly, start to manage your to-do list by the high-level categories: You can use this in all sorts of areas to make things more manageable, for example:

- To-do lists.
- Goals you are working toward.
- The filing system on your computer.
- Your filing cabinet.
- Any project you’re doing.

One of the things this allows you to do is notice very quickly if there’s a specific area where you have not been taking much action lately – very useful for helping focus on what needs attention.

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